IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays an increasing numbers of profession such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can done to solve this.

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In modern days, an issue
such
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 as the rising amount workers like professors and medics departing their poorly developed home nations to work in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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more advanced countries is becoming a concern for various governments.
This
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 essay will look into the problems
this
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 will cause and how it could be solved. The main issue is that the specialists leaving their communities would lead to the shortage of manpower in some of the jobs, not only that, but the
abscence
Correct your spelling
absence
 of employees would lead to their area of expertise dipping in priority for funding and
further
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 refinement.
For instance
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, linguist teachers
of
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in
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 Kazakhstan are moving away from their homeland in search of better
opportinuties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in neighboring regions, namely Turkey or China.
This
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 dilemma could be tackled by giving out better salaries for the staff
as well as
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 expanding their branches of service
,
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apply
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 so that more people would be attracted
in
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to
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 the job. The most viable solution is working crew may go away from their birthplace because of the poor environment,
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furthermore
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furthermore,
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 the obsolete facilities may reinforce
this
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 idea.
This
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 would lead to the slower improvement of the developing state.
For example
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, Kazakh hospitals are quite outdated,
in addition
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 to most of the
personnal
Correct your spelling
personal
personnel
 consisting of previous
generation which
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generations who
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 would retire in the near future. To solve
this
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 complication,
national
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the national
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 government could provide upgraded workplaces for the workers
besides
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 imposing a mandatory service of 2 to 4 years. In conclusion, the
disappearence
Correct your spelling
disappearance
 of labour can lead to a number of
trouble
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troubles
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such
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 as the lack of manpower and capable experts
as well as
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 stop the development of a young sovereign state which could be solved by
rasing
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raising
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 labour conditions,
give
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giving
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 larger sums of money for working cadre,
in addition
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 to enlarging their branches,
as well as
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 imposing a mandatory service for the workers.

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Language Use
To improve your score, work on varying your sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Development
Consider providing more in-depth analysis of the examples you choose. While the examples from Kazakhstan are relevant, expanding on these with more detail and explaining how they directly relate to the broader issues could strengthen your argument.
Accuracy
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors and ensure consistency in tense and subject-verb agreement. These small errors can detract from the overall clarity of your message.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively bookend your essay, providing a strong framework for your argument.
Content
You've done well to identify and explain the key issues related to the migration of professionals from developing to developed countries.
Examples
Using Kazakhstan as a specific example is a good strategy to provide concrete evidence supporting your points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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