Governments should spend money on rai/ways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The statement whether the governments should allocate their money
on
making roads or railways is often debated in the community. Some people think that prioritizing the Change preposition
to
road
making will improving
many Wrong verb form
improve
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
on
the Change preposition
of
city
where the road
made. I firmly believed
prioritizing the Wrong verb form
believe
road
to be made is the best way to accelerate the development of the country.
Firstly
, investment in roads
development will Change the noun form
road
improving
the economic sector Change the verb form
improve
be improving
on
every Change preposition
in
city
where the road
passed
. The Wrong verb form
passes
road
will connect one city
to one another and it will make many tourist
come to visit. It will lead many markets to open and increase their sale which will make a significant rise in the regional minimum wage. Change to a plural noun
tourists
For example
, the new road
that opened last
year that connect
Cirebon to Bandung has reduced the time trip Change the verb form
connects
for
almost 50% and it made many people visit Cirebon for just an Change preposition
by
ocassional
lunch.
Correct your spelling
occasional
Moreover
, the construction of the roads will facilitate the transportation of the goods, such
as vegetables and diaries product
. It will link the customer and the producer directly and make it more cost-effective because the price will Fix the agreement mistake
products
somehow
cheaper. Add a missing verb
be somehow
Furthermore
, the development of the road
will reduce the
congestion and the delivery time from the Correct article usage
apply
city
to rural area
will be faster than before. It will improve the Fix the agreement mistake
areas
wellbeing
and health of the rural areas because their goods can come within an hour.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
well-being
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
road
constrution
takes a long time to finish, it will eventually Correct your spelling
construction
improving
the Change the form of the verb
improve
economic
and health Replace the word
economy
sector
in the country.Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Lexical Resource
Try to use a broader range of vocabulary to strengthen your argument. While your ideas are clear, more varied language can add depth to your essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Ensure to check your writing for minor grammatical errors. Although they do not majorly disrupt the readability, maintaining accuracy helps to convey your ideas more effectively.
Task Response
Consider exploring both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong position. This can provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You've effectively used examples to support your points, which makes your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows good logical flow and structure, which helps in making your argument coherent and easy to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite