In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.Why might this be the case?Do you think this is a positive or negative situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Being a homeowner is more vital for individuals than living in rental houses in specific countries. The reason for
this
belief may vary, but the benefits of renting are far greater for people struggling for
basic needs and have trouble Change preposition
with
to save
some cash.
Many believe that buying a place to live is an excellent investment in Change the verb form
saving
a
long term. Because the worth of it will be increasing Correct article usage
the
year
by year
and eventually become more than the initial price that they bought for. For example
, my grandfather invested in property in the countryside in his early 20's
. As time went by and the city started to expand towards it, a once cheap land became a Change noun form
20s
valubale
one. Correct your spelling
valuable
However
not everybody is Add a comma
However,
this
lucky, or, has that amount of money early in her life
.
Particularly, young citizens who are struggling with multiple hardships in their life
, simply do not have the facilities to get their own Fix the agreement mistake
lives
home
. Fix the agreement mistake
homes
Moreover
, with
many of them Change preposition
apply
having
trouble Wrong verb form
have
to pay
college fees or other needs. Change the verb form
paying
Thus
renting a cheap flat that could support them and
give them Correct word choice
apply
a
shelter and potentially save them from the headache of taxes or maintaining a house Correct article usage
apply
by
their own. Change preposition
on
Furthermore
, they could save their money and use it in the future. For instance
, Mark Zakerberg
did not have his own home early in his Correct your spelling
Zuckerberg
life
and was living in a dorm, but nowadays he is a millionaire.
To conclude
, even though the possibilty
of being a homeowner is great, Correct your spelling
possibility
but
not everyone can afford that, especially early in their Correct word choice
apply
life
. Therefore
, living in rental houses is a feat for younglin's
hard conditions.
Change the capitalization
Younglin's
Overall
, the graph portay's
the popularity of serving Correct your spelling
portrays
portray's
coffee
shops among other methods in all the cities. With the steady rise of instant coffee
sale
in the cities. And the Freshly harvested Fix the agreement mistake
sales
coffee
fluctuating
among them.
Coffeeshops are the most popular in almost every city with Melbourne and Hobart having the highest Wrong verb form
fluctuates
precentage
of almost 65 Correct your spelling
percentage
precent
. With the exception of Adelaide, being Correct your spelling
per cent
also
the lowest falling behind 50
Change preposition
by 50
percent
and overtaken by instant Change the spelling
per cent
coffee
.
Quickly served coffees
hit an
Many believe that buying a place to live is an excellent investment in Fix the agreement mistake
coffee
a
long term. Because the worth of it will be increasing Correct article usage
the
year
by year
and eventually become more than the initial price that they bought for. For example
, my grandfather invested in property in the countryside in his early 20's
. As time went by and the city started to expand towards it, a once cheap land became a Change noun form
20s
valubale
one. Correct your spelling
valuable
However
not everybody is Add a comma
However,
this
lucky, or, has that amount of money early in her life
.Submitted by soroush.nezami on
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Relevance
Make sure your essay stays on topic throughout. The paragraph related to coffee shops seems out of place and doesn't contribute to the main discussion about the importance of owning a home versus renting. Consider removing unrelated content to maintain focus.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion could be stronger. The introduction could better outline the points you plan to discuss, and the conclusion could more effectively summarize your arguments and state your own opinion on the matter.
Coherence
For coherence and cohesion, work on linking your ideas more smoothly. Use transition words and sentences to guide the reader through your arguments. This will make your essay easier to follow and enhance its logical flow.
Cohesion
Adding more varied and complex sentence structures can enrich your writing and better engage the reader. Experiment with different types of sentences to avoid repetitiveness.
Support
While you provided a relevant personal example to support your point, incorporating a broader range of examples or evidence could strengthen your arguments. Consider including statistics, studies, or more diverse personal or observed examples.
Example Use
You provided a compelling personal example with your grandfather's investment in property, effectively illustrating your point about the potential long-term benefits of owning a home.
Topic Understanding
You have a clear understanding of the topic and its implications, demonstrated by your ability to discuss both the advantages of home ownership and the practical benefits of renting for certain individuals.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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