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Band 5.5

In many countries it is common for parents to give their children pocket money. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this practice?

#countries #parents #children #pocket #money #practice
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Most of the
children
Use synonyms
 learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 management from
kinder garden
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
show examples
. In several nations, mostly the parents give the allowance to the young
one
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the
child
Use synonyms
 should know the value of currency from the beginning stage of growth. There are many advantages for young
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 have habits to save
money
Use synonyms
 for future use. Saving
money
Use synonyms
 is
one
Use synonyms
 of the
skills
Use synonyms
 to grow and that must be
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consistency
Replace the word
consistent
show examples
 for
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 utilize the amount to develop the
skills
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 by enrolling
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 course. It increases the IQ level and opportunities to learn more external
skills
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 for
children
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. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, my friend applied
Change preposition
for the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 virtual course to study cloud technology
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
parent
Replace the word
parental
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money
Use synonyms
 and he got the job using that skill.
One
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 of the disadvantages is sometimes the parents give the amount to
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
one
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 without their knowledge and the
child
Use synonyms
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
 for
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 path.
Gradiences
Correct your spelling
Graduates
 should understand their
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 requirement and give the currency with
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 amount.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the young
child
Use synonyms
 does not have
idea
Add an article
an idea
the idea
show examples
 to spend the
money
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
productive
Correct article usage
a productive
show examples
 way. Mostly They spend on unnecessary things
such
Linking Words
 as toys, fast food and processed items.
For example
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 of my young brothers bought a packet
Use synonyms
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
 daily from their parents. He
like
Replace the word
likes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
street food so he eats
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis.
One
Use synonyms
 day her stomach got
up set
Correct your spelling
upset
show examples
 doctor said that he
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 affected by food poison. After long days of
treatment
Add a comma
treatment,
show examples
 only he gets recovered.
However
Linking Words
, he is in
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 stage but he should control the cravings. In conclusion, the parent allowance
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 some
children
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 to grow their knowledge by learning new
skills
Use synonyms
 and some of them have
save
Wrong verb form
saved
show examples
 the
money
Use synonyms
 in pots.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Structure
Try to structure your paragraphs more clearly, beginning each with a topic sentence followed by supporting sentences and examples.
Content Balance
In exploring advantages and disadvantages, ensure both are covered with equal depth and detail.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Review your work for small grammatical mistakes and consider refining your word choice to enhance clarity.
Task Response
Engage with the prompt directly by addressing both sides of the argument clearly in your introduction and conclusion.
Examples
Providing specific examples, like the story of your friend using pocket money to learn cloud technology, helps to strengthen your argument.
Insight into Topic
You've shown an understanding of the importance of managing money from a young age and linked this to real-life outcomes.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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