IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some think that too much money has been spent looking after and reparing old buildings, so we knock down old buildings and buikd modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Whilst a substantial number of individuals assume that a large amount of
money
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 has been allocated to repairing and maintaining old
constructions
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, I disagree with
destructing
Verb problem
destroying
show examples
 old
buildings
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 as they are a part of
culture
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 and identity in each society. On the one hand, many
people
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 think that spending too much
money
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 on repairing and looking after old structures is a waste of
money
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.
This
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 group claims that each construction has a lifespan that must not be extended.
Moreover
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, they assert that these old
buildings
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 must be replaced by modern ones as they can change the outlook of the city, and it is not required to waste a tremendous amount of
money
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 to keep those old
buildings
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.
For example
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, in China, the government has tried to separate the old and modern areas and has modernized its cities in order to avoid dedicating maintenance expenses.  
However
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, there is another group of
people
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 who believe that a country and a city are known for their old
buildings
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as well as
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 their old
constructions
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 as these historical
buildings
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 can show the background and the identity of a country.
Furthermore
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,
instead
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 of knocking down these old
buildings
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, governments are responsible for dedicating some finance to renewing and repairing them.
For instance
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, Japan has started to repair its old
buildings
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 as the rulers in
this
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 country believe that modern
constructions
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 cannot represent the original
culture
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 and beliefs of Japanese
people
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, but rather old
buildings
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 are great representatives to reflect the elixir of Japanese
culture
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. In conclusion, considering both viewpoints,
although
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 renewal and repairing old
buildings
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 is a waste of
money
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,
according to
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 a group of
people
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, I believe that old
buildings
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 and historical
constructions
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 are a significant part of each
culture
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 and society, and governments are responsible for protecting and renewing them.

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Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Detailing how these buildings contribute to cultural and societal identity would enhance your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases to link ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Ensure consistency in argument development. While your essay presents a clear stance, deeper exploration of the opposing viewpoint could provide a more balanced argument.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly present your standpoint and summarize the essay effectively.
Logical Structure
You've done well to structure your essay logically, separating your arguments clearly.
Supported Main Points
The use of relevant examples, like China and Japan, supports your points well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Preservation
  • Historical significance
  • Cultural heritage
  • Charm
  • Character
  • Renovation
  • Cost-effective
  • Architectural features
  • Recreating
  • Loss
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