Many people put their personal information online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is positive or negative development?
The development of technology brings individuals to input their private
data
for daily activities like socializing on social networks or banking purposes. In my view, this
should be perceived as a negative trend for two main reasons.
Firstly
, not all websites, applications or accounts are safe. There are so many applications created by the verified company which has legality from the government. It can happen as the way to make the application or website
is not that hard for hackers. Hackers can have so many websites or applications which are whose names seem like the verified ones. For example
, the verified account of Bank of Indonesia has an account on Twitter @bankindonesiaofficial, there will be so many fake accounts that names look like that such
as @bank1ndonesiaofficial or @b4nkIndonesiaofficial. If people
put their personal information on those fake accounts, it will be dangerous as the hackers can use it for criminal acts.
Secondly
, it remains a huge thing to keep our private data
in the modern era nowadays. We know that as a human, we may have some friends or families who do not like us. If community
fill in their personal Correct article usage
the community
data
on the website
easily, and they have friends or families who hate us, they can easily take revenge on people
's personal data
on the website
. They can easily track people
from the recent personal data
on the website
,
and do negative behaviour Remove the comma
apply
such
as threatening people
's , children.
To sum up
, filling the personal information can be dangerous for individuals as not only all websites are verified by the government but also
some friends or families who do not like us can take revenge on those info
. I, Change the determiner
that info
therefore
, remain firmly convinced that public
should not keep their private Correct article usage
the public
data
on their own.Submitted by alfathemaster on
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task achievement
The essay satisfactorily addresses the task, presenting a clear stance on whether the development is positive or negative. However, it can be improved by providing a more balanced argument that also considers some potential benefits or opposing viewpoints.
task achievement
Clarify the supporting points further and avoid repetition. In the second point, the example could be made more relevant and specific to improve comprehension of how personal data can be misused by acquaintances.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is cohesively linked to the next with appropriate transitional phrases, which will improve the logical flow and comprehensiveness. This will enhance the readability and cohesiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by making sure each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences. Providing examples and elaboration will reinforce these ideas more effectively.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction which introduces the topic and presents your viewpoint. The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and restates your stance, which is a strength.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point, which helps convey your ideas clearly. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
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