IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A group of
people
Use synonyms
 present the view that
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
engineers
Use synonyms
 should serve in the same
country
Use synonyms
 where they gained their qualifications,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that they should opt for their workplace even if it would be located in another
country
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with the former opinion and my reasons will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, some
people
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 reasonably argue that governments allocate a considerable amount of money for the education of
doctors
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 and
engineers
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.
Therefore
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, engineering and medical graduates are committed to working in the place of their training. They should assume responsibilities for society which assists them in obtaining knowledge.
For example
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, in Iran, a remarkable number of
doctors
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 and
engineers
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 are migrating on a regular basis.
This
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 has caused major problems for the
country
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. In some areas in
this
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country
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,
people
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 do not have access to specialists in medical or engineering fields and fail to receive suitable services in those areas.
Moreover
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, working in another
country
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 has its own challenges and may bring them some difficulties. Language barriers, financial problems and cultural differences are examples of
such
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 hardships.
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
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 claim that professionals should have the right to choose the location to offer their services, whether it is in the place where they did their studies or not. They firmly insist that
people
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 who work abroad are more likely to become successful.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as there are various cases of accomplished
doctors
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 and
engineers
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 who are serving in the area where they underwent training.
For instance
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, Ali Daei is one of the most famous Iranian
engineers
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 who is very prosperous. In conclusion, in my view, graduates from different fields of study should work in the
country
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 where they did their studies.
This
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 way the budget of governments will be saved and they never face various difficulties
due to
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 emigration.
Moreover
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, many
people
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 are completely successful in the area where they gained their knowledge.

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task achievement
You've offered a clear stance and supported your views with reasoned arguments and examples, which is excellent. To further improve, aim to include a wider variety of complex sentence structures to showcase linguistic flexibility.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider linking your ideas more explicitly using a range of cohesive devices beyond 'Moreover' and 'For example'.
task achievement
You've effectively used examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument. Continue to develop this skill by incorporating more diverse and detailed instances, especially in supporting opposing viewpoints to provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the task with a clearly stated opinion and logical argumentation throughout.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas and the presence of both an introduction and a conclusion contribute positively to the coherence and overall impact of your essay.
task achievement
Usage of specific examples, such as the situation in Iran and the mention of Ali Daei, effectively illustrates your points and makes your arguments more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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