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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #music #role #society #form #entertainment
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is some
people
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 think that
music
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 can affect positively
to
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 person who an
aggression
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. Now
people
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 are beginning to realize that
at
Correct your spelling
it
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 all
related
Wrong verb form
relates
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with
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to
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psychology
Add an article
the psychology
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 of
people
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 and what kind of
music
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which he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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listens
Correct subject-verb agreement
listen
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.
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to.
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 Personally, I tend to think that it depends
to
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on
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 our feelings and what kind of
music
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 we like.
Firstly
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, it is well known that
music
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 was invented to lift the mood for fun.
Music
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 can influence our emotions and mental state. It has the potential to both calm and excite us. The impact of
music
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 on
aggression
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 depends on its genre and
lyrics
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for instance
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, intense rhythms or aggressive
lyrics
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 can heighten feelings of
aggression
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 in some individuals.
However
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,
this
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 varies based on personal preferences and current emotional state. Listening to aggressive
music
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 with intense rhythms or aggressive
lyrics
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, like heavy metal or rap, can make some
people
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 feel more aggressive or pumped up, especially if the
music
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 is loud. On the flip side, soothing
music
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 with calm
melodie
Correct your spelling
melodies
 or positive
lyrics
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 tends to have a relaxing effect. So, the effect of
music
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 on
aggression
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 depends on the type of
music
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 and how it makes a person feel. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into our final analysis we can say that
music
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 can indeed influence
aggression
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, but its impact varies depending on the genre,
lyrics
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, and personal preferences of the listener. Some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 may feel more aggressive when exposed to
music
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 with intense rhythms or aggressive
lyrics
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,
while
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 others may find calming
music
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 with gentle melodies to be soothing. Ultimately, the effect of
music
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 on
aggression
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 is subjective and depends on how it affects the emotional and psychological state of each person.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more structured approach. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point and provides clear, relevant examples to support it.
task achievement
Elaborate more on each view regarding the role of music in society vs. music as mere entertainment. Providing balanced arguments for both perspectives will strengthen your task response.
task achievement
Be careful with grammar and vocabulary. There are minor grammatical errors and word choices that can be improved.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and a well-summarized conclusion which encapsulates your main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay raises interesting points about the influence of music on emotions and mental state, showing a good level of insight.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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