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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #music #role #society #form #entertainment
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is some
people
 think that
music
 can affect positively
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person who an
aggression
. Now
people
 are beginning to realize that
at
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 all
related
Wrong verb form
relates
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with
Change preposition
to
show examples
psychology
Add an article
the psychology
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 of
people
 and what kind of
music
which he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
listens
Correct subject-verb agreement
listen
show examples
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
 Personally, I tend to think that it depends
to
Change preposition
on
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 our feelings and what kind of
music
 we like.
Firstly
, it is well known that
music
 was invented to lift the mood for fun.
Music
 can influence our emotions and mental state. It has the potential to both calm and excite us. The impact of
music
 on
aggression
 depends on its genre and
lyrics
for instance
, intense rhythms or aggressive
lyrics
 can heighten feelings of
aggression
 in some individuals.
However
,
this
 varies based on personal preferences and current emotional state. Listening to aggressive
music
 with intense rhythms or aggressive
lyrics
, like heavy metal or rap, can make some
people
 feel more aggressive or pumped up, especially if the
music
 is loud. On the flip side, soothing
music
 with calm
melodie
Correct your spelling
melodies
 or positive
lyrics
 tends to have a relaxing effect. So, the effect of
music
 on
aggression
 depends on the type of
music
 and how it makes a person feel. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into our final analysis we can say that
music
 can indeed influence
aggression
, but its impact varies depending on the genre,
lyrics
, and personal preferences of the listener. Some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 may feel more aggressive when exposed to
music
 with intense rhythms or aggressive
lyrics
,
while
 others may find calming
music
 with gentle melodies to be soothing. Ultimately, the effect of
music
 on
aggression
 is subjective and depends on how it affects the emotional and psychological state of each person.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more structured approach. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point and provides clear, relevant examples to support it.
task achievement
Elaborate more on each view regarding the role of music in society vs. music as mere entertainment. Providing balanced arguments for both perspectives will strengthen your task response.
task achievement
Be careful with grammar and vocabulary. There are minor grammatical errors and word choices that can be improved.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and a well-summarized conclusion which encapsulates your main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay raises interesting points about the influence of music on emotions and mental state, showing a good level of insight.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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