Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is some
people
think that
music
can affect positively
to
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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person who an
aggression
. Now
people
are beginning to realize that
at
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
all
related
Wrong verb form
relates
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with
Change preposition
to
show examples
psychology
Add an article
the psychology
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of
people
and what kind of
music
which he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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listens
Correct subject-verb agreement
listen
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.
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to.
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Personally, I tend to think that it depends
to
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on
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our feelings and what kind of
music
we like.
Firstly
, it is well known that
music
was invented to lift the mood for fun.
Music
can influence our emotions and mental state. It has the potential to both calm and excite us. The impact of
music
on
aggression
depends on its genre and
lyrics
for instance
, intense rhythms or aggressive
lyrics
can heighten feelings of
aggression
in some individuals.
However
,
this
varies based on personal preferences and current emotional state. Listening to aggressive
music
with intense rhythms or aggressive
lyrics
, like heavy metal or rap, can make some
people
feel more aggressive or pumped up, especially if the
music
is loud. On the flip side, soothing
music
with calm
melodie
Correct your spelling
melodies
or positive
lyrics
tends to have a relaxing effect. So, the effect of
music
on
aggression
depends on the type of
music
and how it makes a person feel. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into our final analysis we can say that
music
can indeed influence
aggression
, but its impact varies depending on the genre,
lyrics
, and personal preferences of the listener. Some
individual
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individuals
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may feel more aggressive when exposed to
music
with intense rhythms or aggressive
lyrics
,
while
others may find calming
music
with gentle melodies to be soothing. Ultimately, the effect of
music
on
aggression
is subjective and depends on how it affects the emotional and psychological state of each person.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more structured approach. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point and provides clear, relevant examples to support it.
task achievement
Elaborate more on each view regarding the role of music in society vs. music as mere entertainment. Providing balanced arguments for both perspectives will strengthen your task response.
task achievement
Be careful with grammar and vocabulary. There are minor grammatical errors and word choices that can be improved.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and a well-summarized conclusion which encapsulates your main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay raises interesting points about the influence of music on emotions and mental state, showing a good level of insight.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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