IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think that we are spending too much time and money on protecting animals. The money should be better spent on human population. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the protection of
animals
Use synonyms
 has attracted significant financial and social
resources
Use synonyms
.
While
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 some people argue that these
resources
Use synonyms
 should
instead
Linking Words
 be directed toward solving human problems, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view. Protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 is not only an ethical responsibility but
also
Linking Words
 essential for maintaining ecological balance and ultimately supporting human well-being.
First,
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animals
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in sustaining ecosystems, which directly affect human life. Every species contributes to the stability of the natural environment, whether through pollination, controlling pests, or maintaining food chains. If animal populations decline or disappear, ecosystems can become severely disrupted, leading to consequences
such
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 as reduced agricultural productivity and environmental degradation.
Therefore
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, investing in animal protection is not separate from human interests; rather, it is a long-term investment in the sustainability of the planet that humans depend on.
Second,
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the moral responsibility of humans toward
animals
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 should not be overlooked. As the most dominant species on Earth, humans have significantly contributed to habitat destruction, pollution, and climate change, all of which threaten animal survival.
Consequently
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, it is our duty to mitigate the damage we have caused. Protecting
animals
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 demonstrates compassion and reflects the ethical values of a
civilized
Change the spelling
civilised
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 society. Admittedly, it is true that many societies face urgent human issues
such
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 as poverty, healthcare shortages, and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of education. Governments must certainly
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 improving the quality of life for their citizens.
However
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, allocating
resources
Use synonyms
 to animal protection does not necessarily prevent governments from addressing human needs. In fact, environmental conservation projects often create jobs, promote tourism, and contribute to economic development, which ultimately benefits people as well. In conclusion,
although
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 human welfare is undeniably important, protecting
animals
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 should remain a priority. Animal conservation preserves ecological balance,
fulfills
Change the spelling
fulfils
show examples
 moral obligations, and can even provide economic advantages for society.
Therefore
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,
resources
Use synonyms
 spent on protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 should be viewed as a necessary investment rather than an unnecessary expense.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and stays on the topic all the time. To get a higher score, add one more real or clear example to support your ideas.
task response
For task response, your opinion is strong and easy to see. You can make it even better by explaining one idea a bit more deeply.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your linking words are good, but do not use them too often. Keep them natural.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each main point is in its own paragraph, which is very good. You can improve more by adding one short sentence to connect paragraph 2 and paragraph 3 more smoothly.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
Your main ideas are strong and relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized, with clear paragraphs and a strong conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a logical order, so the reader can understand them easily.
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