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Band 6

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend
It is generally accepted that innovations
such
 as new technologies have changed children's habits
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their leisure
time
.
This
 essay will demonstrate the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 situation throughout the following paragraphs. First and foremost, the new way of technology allows
people
 to explore themselves during their free
time
 from playing games.
Due to
 the game's functions, it provides a variety of tasks for the player to deal with
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
such
 as completing a task in one minute, children will have the opportunity to manage their
time
 and to think fast.
Moreover
, it can provide the imagination and creativity from playing games,
such
 as how to build a character's look.
On the other hand
,
besides
 the benefits, if
people
 are always on social platforms, kids will definitely lose their social skills.
This
 is because they only focus their life on a square screen.
In addition
, they will lose a chance for family
time
 because they are happy by themself.
This
 might cause bad social skills in the future, these
people
 might lose their confidence
while
 talking, and
this
 might affect their work position as well. In conclusion, all the reasons mentioned above indicate both sides of the aspect of the innovation of technology. From my point of view, I would suggest
people
 balance their
time
 in the online world and reality to not lose both sides of chance from social interactions and creativities.
Submitted by sasinipapj on

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Task Achievement
Ensure to elaborate more on both sides of the argument evenly to further enhance task achievement. Including comparable amounts of discussion for each viewpoint helps maintain balance and depth in your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to use cohesive devices effectively, but aim for variety in your linking phrases to enhance the reader's experience.
Task Achievement
To further improve, consider integrating more detailed examples that directly support your arguments. While general examples are provided, more specific instances or statistics could strengthen your argumentation.
Coherence & Cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outlined your essay's scope and provided a summary of your main arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay displays a good logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. This organization helps in maintaining clarity and flow throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
You've provided relevant examples to support your main points, such as the enhancement of time management skills and creativity through playing games, which positively contributes to task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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