IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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A fewer number of people believe that extracurricular activities are not worthy of spending a massive amount of funds and time
whereas
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 another group is of the view that sport plays an essential role in education and should be focused in educational institutions.
According to
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 my opinion, both of these aspects hold weight and careful consideration should be taken
while
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 deciding to include or exclude
sports
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 from
schools
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.
This
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 essay sheds light on both notions by stating logical reasons backed by substantial facts.
Firstly
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,
sports
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 play a pivotal role in the development of student's personalities and in maintaining their physical fitness.
For example
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, the majority of the
schools
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 organize
sports
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 events to develop interpersonal skills, harmony among the
students
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 and healthy interaction with other staff members.
Furthermore
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, these kinds of activities
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 individuals to perform in a team and improve their ability to form social networks.
In contrast
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, the spending on activities
besides
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 education can be diverted to improve infrastructure and establish new colleges.
In addition
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, they can be utilized to arrange scholarships for bright
students
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 who cannot afford to continue their studies because of lack of funds. To elaborate
further
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,
sports
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 require special equipment making them an expensive activity
as well as
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 requiring a large amount of time to practice.
This
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 can impact the educational career of the
students
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. In conclusion, both aspects have their pros and cons and neither of them can be regarded as less crucial. To develop special skills in
students
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 it is imperative for pupils to participate in
sports
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.
However
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, resources used to establish
such
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 facilities in
schools
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 can be spent on building educational institutions so more and more children can be inducted into
schools
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical progression by connecting ideas and paragraphs more clearly. Use cohesive devices effectively to create better flow between sentences and concepts.
task achievement
Develop main points further by providing more detailed explanations, specific examples, and clear reasons to support your arguments adequately.
coherence cohesion
Focus on separating the main points into clear, distinct paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence and supporting sentences that expand on that point.
task achievement
Work on a more sophisticated range of structures and vocabulary to articulate points effectively and enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical fitness
  • Holistic development
  • Cognitive function
  • Teamwork
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Extracurricular
  • Academic achievement
  • Resource allocation
  • Curriculum
  • Inequality in opportunities
  • Life skills
  • Well-rounded education
What to do next:
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