IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Your child is going on a trip to another country for a week. The school authority is looking for some parents who can join the trip. You are interested in going with the children. Write a letter to the head of the school. In your letter, say why you want to join the team mention what you can do to assist also ask questions related to the trip

#child #trip #country #week #school #authority #parents #children #head #team #questions
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Dear Mr Smith, I got so excited when I understood that you have scheduled a 1-week trip for students of grade 5 to London next month. As my daughter, Rosa, has never been far from me and her father, it is very difficult for her to decide whether to join her friends or not. So, to make it easier for her to confirm her journey, I have decided to accompany your team as a volunteer; I hope you accept my request.
Additionally
, I studied for 7 years in London at
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Talama and I am totally familiar with the tourist attractions of
this
 city. So, I can play the role of tour leader. I look forward to hearing your confirmation as soon as possible. Yours Sincerely, Zari Shamsa
Submitted by zari.shamsa40 on

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task achievement
You've expressed your interest and reasons for wanting to join the trip clearly and effectively, which made your letter compelling.
task achievement
To make your letter even more engaging, you might consider adding specific ways you could assist during the trip besides being a tour leader, such as helping with logistics or ensuring student safety.
coherence cohesion
Your letter flows well from introduction to conclusion, with a clear structure that makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
In the future, consider including a brief closing paragraph summarizing your hopes or expectations for a positive response, which would wrap up your letter neatly.
task achievement
Provided a personal touch by mentioning your daughter's hesitance, which adds a heartfelt reason to your request.
task achievement
Mentioned your familiarity with London, adding credibility and value to your offer to assist with the trip.
task achievement
Your letter has a polite and respectful tone, which is perfectly suited for communicating with a school authority.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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