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Band 8

Sports should be made mandatory for all children as it helps in their physical health. Do you agree or disagree

#sports #children #health
It is often argued that sports do not play a crucial role in children's education as it is believed that academic
skills
 help students earn more and settle down without
further
 complications. Most people agree that offspring must acquire educational
skills
 and they
also
 believe that physical
skills
 are not mandatory.
However
, I agree with those who believe the opposite is true. Whether rich or poor, male or female, it is known for a fact that educating offspring is the top priority for any country. It is
also
 known that play is not equally seen as an important sector in these organizations. I believe we all need to be educated about the advantages of being active irrespective of age. There are plenty of benefits
such
 as increased serotonin levels which can help with sleep, better heart functioning, clear thoughts, social
skills
 and
overall
 well-being. As per recent research, being active can increase the longevity of human life by 20 per cent.
Moreover
, it is not just physical health but mental health
that is
also
 affected in a positive way involving physical activity at least 3 times a week. It is
also
 proven that healthy and happy brain signals are produced after doing a workout or playing a sport. We need to take
this
 into account as the growth of the brain is high in offspring so increased activity can benefit in large amounts. The University of Chicago put together a study by comparing a school with play and without. The results are drastic as the offspring with more activity have shown to have higher academic scores compared to the offspring without.
This
 proves that involving offspring in sports and teaching them the importance of being active in day-to-day life has just advantages with no disadvantages. Nowadays, play has become a mandatory subject in many schools and I hope
this
 will be followed by all the remaining.
Submitted by praneeth2094 on

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Introduction Clarity
Enhance your introduction. Clarify your position from the beginning, ensuring a direct answer to the question of agreement or disagreement.
Specific Examples
Try to expand on your examples. Providing specific studies, statistics, or real examples can strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Transitions
Work on transitions between paragraphs. While your ideas are clear, smoother transitions can enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
Balanced Argument
Excellent job in providing a balanced argument. Your essay addresses both the importance of education and physical activities, eventually siding with the latter.
Conclusion Strength
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the importance of sports in children's lives.
Use of Examples
Good use of examples, especially citing the University of Chicago study to back up your points. This adds credibility to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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