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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Money ought to be spent on new public buildings such as museums or town halls rather than renovating existing ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #buildings #museums #town #halls #ones
In
this
 day and age,
as
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with
show examples
 the speedy urbanization in the world, more and more public
bulidings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 are needed to
fullfil
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fulfil
 citizens' requirements. Some
people
 believe that the majority of money should
be invest
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be invested
be investing
show examples
on
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in
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 constructing new
buildings
such
 as museums or town halls.
However
, I am against their view. I believe it is more beneficial to renovate the existing public halls.
Firstly
, making
use
 of existing
buildings
 enables
people
 to achieve the goal of recycling. Nowadays, with the increasing pollution and growing
use
 of natural resources,
eco-friendly
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eco-friendliness
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 has become an essential target in the world. Renovating old
buildings
 means that
people
 can reuse the materials and adopt the old
fundations
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foundations
.
As a result
, not only natural resources like wood and steel are saved, but
also
 human
labors
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labor
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 and energy can be decreased by
use
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using
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 the old
buildings
.
Betterstill
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Better still
, if
people
 consider
to
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using
show examples
use
 the old halls rather than building new ones, there will be less pollution and
further
 conserve
earth's
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the earth's
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 ecosystem. Undeniably,
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
bulidings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 are
regared
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regarded
 as representations of these days' fashion
while
 some existing
buildings
 are considered as out of style. Many
people
 argue that old
buildings
 are not eye-catching and they are not
consist
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consistent
show examples
 with today's beauty values.
However
, old
buildings
, which are physical historical heritages, are indispensable in human history. Provided that all old
buildings
 no longer existed, our generations would not have any chance to
withness
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witness
show examples
 life in the past and experience traditional
athestic
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aesthetic
atheistic
, let alone
further
 adopt ancient wisdom and develop new arts. Having considered all the
arguements
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arguments
 above, I believe the merits of renovating old
buildings
outweight
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outweigh
 the drawbacks. Environments can be protected
along with
 the conservation of historical heritages by reconstructing existing
buildings
. For governments and companies, they are well-advised to invest more money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the renovation of old public
buildings
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Spelling
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Sentence Structure
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Examples
Integrate more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument and make your points more convincing.
Position
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, effectively addressing the prompt.
Structure
You have a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Support
Your arguments are supported by relevant, albeit general, examples which helps to explain your viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • symbolizes
  • evolving
  • aspirations
  • incorporate
  • accessibility
  • catalyst
  • economic development
  • heritage
  • conserves
  • cultural
  • integrity
  • operational inefficiencies
  • sustainably
  • repurpose
  • throwaway culture
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental degradation
  • context-specific
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