The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?

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It has been witnessed during the past decade that TV channels have become specialised in specific types of programs. People who are interested in
sports
Use synonyms
have started to subscribe to channels ,like the OSN
for example
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, to watch all the games of their favorite team.
This
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essay is going to present both the pros and cons of
such
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a phenomenon in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with the merits of the televised games. The merits are certainly uncounted. Starting with the cost which is way cheaper and time convenient as well which
also
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should be considered.
In other words
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, the sum of the airline ticket price, especially during sporty seasons,
besides
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the entrance fees of
such
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international competitions would cost a fortune,
while
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an annual subscription is cheaper if compared to the amount of money to watch a single game. On the other side, it can not be denied that watching a live
sports
Use synonyms
game is more fun.
For example
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, the final rounds of the World Cup are full of excitement. The spirit of supporting your favourite players and cheering up for them deserves, for some, every single pound they pay.
Furthermore
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, celebrating the win is an unforgettable moment for those who are interested in
sports
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events. An example to clear
this
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point is young people who wait for hours to ask a player to give them his shirt or to sign for them a photo or even a ball.
To sum up
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. The aforementioned paragraphs clearly show both the merits and the demerits of the on-demand
sports
Use synonyms
channels. Anyway, on balance, it depends on the desires and the interests of the individuals. Some people, like me, would consider the live match as a waste of money and time
while
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others would even pay their savings to attend one.
Submitted by nawartomry on

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task achievement
Your essay comprehensively answers the question by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased televised sports. However, your ideas could be more explicitly compared to judge whether benefits outweigh disadvantages. Consider making a clearer stance on this issue in your conclusion to enhance your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, contributing to a logical structure. Nevertheless, some transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow. Pay attention to creating more seamless connections between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and make your points more comprehensive, try to elaborate more on your examples and how they support your arguments. Explain in more detail why these examples are relevant to the points you are making.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay well.
task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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