IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

University students nowadays have too much freedom and do not study enough. To what extent do you agree and disagree? Explain your opinion, using specific reasons and examples.

#university #students #freedom #study
It is true that in
this
 day and
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 opinion is divided over whether students in
college
 need to manage their time to increase their academic ability. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will look at both sides of
this
 debate
as well as
 offer my own point of view. Turning first of all to the arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
 statement, it goes without saying that the main purpose of
college
 is to study and get good grades for the prospects. At the same time,
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 is known
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the best environment for learning.
For example
,
college
Correct article usage
a college
show examples
 has a good teacher for each field and is able to borrow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research books from the library and the lab. As far as the other side of
this
 debate is concerned, it is generally acknowledged that what students learn in university may not be useful in the workforce. It may
also
 be worth noting that using
this
 opportunity to build relationships for the personal or future career in
college
also
 might be a big cornerstone for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future life. By way of conclusion, from the ideas and examples above it can be seen that there are valid arguments on both sides of
this
 debate.
However
, I am of the opinion that, in the grand scheme of things, students ought to study more in the academy and discipline themselves.
Due to
 the fact that in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the academy is the best place to study or research in the entire life.
Submitted by yusei.nakano on

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Introduction
Consider strengthening your introduction by directly addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the notion that university students have too much freedom and don't study enough. This will make your position clearer from the outset.
Body Paragraphs
While exploring both sides of the argument strengthens your essay, consider providing more specific examples and evidence to back up your points. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion does well to summarize your stance and the main points. Working on a more powerful closing sentence could further emphasize your viewpoint.
Content
You've nicely articulated both sides of the debate, which showcases an ability to view the issue from multiple perspectives.
Structure
The overall structure of your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, contributes positively to its coherence and cohesion.
Logical Flow
Your essay is logically structured, with each paragraph clearly contributing to the development of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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