IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some
people
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 argue that
Art
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 is essential,
while
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 others think the contrary. I believe that
Art
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 is beneficial to represent our culture, express freedom of speech in a universal language and depict major events that occur in the world.
Art
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 may be considered as an issue in some countries,
such
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 as a source of disrespect and unethical, which is an infringement of freedom of speech.
For example
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, in France, some books were banned because they were judged immoral. In 1947, the French writer Boris Vian wrote a book which was censured by the government, which considered
this
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 work unreadable by French families.
Art
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,
however
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, represents the culture of a nation or even a city, which can make
people
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 proud of their artists.
For instance
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, a French grapher from Marseilles was asked recently to paint some local urban furniture which makes local
people
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 feel proud of him.
In addition
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,
Art
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 allows
people
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 to express themselves in a language understandable to everyone. So
Art
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 can unify
people
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 altogether,
such
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 as museums which are places where
people
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joined
Wrong verb form
join
show examples
 to contemplate works of
art
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.
Moreover
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,
Art
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 sometimes depicts major events interpreted by the vision of artists, which can broaden our minds and perspectives of what occurred.
For example
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, in the late 30's, Picasso painted Guernica which represented the civil war in Spain, in a very particular way called cubism. In conclusion, whilst
Art
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 can be an issue in some countries, I believe that it is essential to express the freedom of speech, unify
people
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 and illustrate major events that occurred in the world by the artist's interpretation.

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is presented in the introduction to guide readers through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged.
Task Achievement
Effective use of specific examples to support your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of paragraphing to separate ideas, enhancing the essay's overall clarity and logical flow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural expression
  • preserving cultural identity
  • foster creativity
  • critical thinking
  • emotional expression
  • economic activity
  • boost tourism
  • therapeutic effects
  • reduce stress
  • social commentary
  • promote social change
  • individual expression
  • personal fulfillment
  • sense of achievement
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