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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
With the advancement of technology, young adults
use
 digital devices like
smartphones
 daily. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain why they
use
smartphones
 daily and what are impacts of
this
 phenomenon
.
Add a missing verb
are.
show examples
To begin
 with, there are two main reasons why
children
use
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 per day.
Firstly
,
smartphones
 provide a wide range of programs and applications, which are appealing to young adults;
for example
, not only can
children
 watch their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 animations for free, but they
also
 play online video games like GTA.
Secondly
, in the modern world,
children
 rely on
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 as a tool for getting educational information. When
children
 need data for school
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
, homework, and general learning, they turn to GOOGLE;
therefore
, it is important for them to
use
 the
smartphone
 every day for educational purposes.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the usage of
smartphones
 can be beneficial, the negative aspects of
this
 development outweigh its positive ones. In fact, extensive usage of
smartphones
 leads to
loosing
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losing
show examples
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
show examples
. Blue light which is emitted from
smartphones
 is very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
, so the extensive usage of
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 hurts
children
’s eyes. Mentally,
children
 who are addicted to spending too much
tome
Correct your spelling
time
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphones
 are more likely to experience isolation.
Children
 who
use
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 daily do not tend to communicate with family members and friends, leading to a sense of loneliness. In conclusion, I take the view that
children
 as
hobby
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hobbies
show examples
 and learning
tool
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tools
show examples
use
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
. sitting in front of the screens too much time has negative impacts on
children
 mentally and physically. The less
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
use
 their
smartphone
, the more benefits they will gain.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Example Specificity
Consider expanding on the examples provided, making them more specific to strengthen your argument. This will help clarify how the daily use of smartphones impacts children.
Sentence Complexity
Work on varying your sentence structure to include more complex forms. This enriches your writing style and demonstrates a higher level of English competency.
Proofreading
Try to proofread your work to catch and correct minor errors in grammar and spelling. This attention to detail can improve the overall quality of your essay.
Structure
You've done a good job outlining the main reasons why children use smartphones and the potential negative impacts, showing a well-considered structure.
Balance
By addressing both sides of the argument, you demonstrate an understanding of the complexity of the issue, which is a positive aspect of your argumentation.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion neatly frame the essay, providing a clear opening and a definitive stance in the conclusion.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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