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Band 3.5

People who go live in other countries should follow their customs and traditions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #customs #traditions
In today's contemporary era,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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who
people
 migrate to foreign countries
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 must follow that country's
customs
 and
traditions
. I strongly agree with the
metioned
Correct your spelling
mentioned
 statement. In continue,
this
 essay intends to explain why those
people
 should pursue the
custums
Correct your spelling
customs
 and
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 of the country where they live
?
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.
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 Among a short conclusion. Following the
culture
 of a country will be
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
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 of
Correct article usage
the satisfacation
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satisfacation
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 of that area's
people
 that, will make friendship and relationship between Immigrants and host.
As a result
, both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
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 [Refugees and host] will experience an intimate life.
In addition
,
experienceing diffirent
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experiencing different
 cultures will teach us many new
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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 that we have not
try it
Wrong verb form
tried
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 yet. Sometimes, going against
customs
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the customs
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 and
traditions
of
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apply
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somewhere will bring great conflicts
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people
 are biased against their
traditions
 and
customs
and
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apply
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we should respect
everwhere's
Correct your spelling
everywhere's
show examples
traditions
 but, disobeying their
culture
 will lead the person even toward death. To illustrate
this
 statement, in most
of
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apply
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Islamic countries Hijab is a
culture
 and obligation and everybody that goes to those countries has to wear
Hijab
Correct article usage
a Hijab
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 to
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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 problems from happening and
having
Wrong verb form
to have
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 a good experience.
To conclude
, it is better to live
according to
 our current area's rules,
traditions
,
customs
 and
culture
due to
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
 points in
this
 essay for having a good and
freindly
Correct your spelling
friendly
 society.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

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Grammar
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Vocabulary
Use varied and precise vocabulary to strengthen your argument.
Argument Development
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Structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea, to improve coherence.
Accuracy
Check for typographical and spelling errors before finalizing the essay.
Position clarity
You have articulated a clear position throughout.
Effective conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and rationale.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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