Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environment pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
How to prevent disease and illness is a difficult
issue
worldwide, it is the opinion of this
writer that it is better for government
to tackle housing and environment problems rather than other solutions because of health and lack of dwelling Correct article usage
the government
issue
.
It is vital to understand that putting all houses together in cities will not address the housing problem. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
Due to
the fact that people should to
live at an enormous Change the verb form
apply
comfortably
places to have a healthy lifestyle and improve the atmosphere of the city. In Change the word
comfortable
this
situation, government
should expand the city so that people can have more places to housing and tackle the living Add an article
the government
issue
. It must also
be noticed that living in a narrow house or city can make citizens feel negative and angry about the
life conditions.
Another key component of the case for separate Correct article usage
apply
type
of pollution can be made by Fix the agreement mistake
types
transportations
. It should be self-evident that pollutants which Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
caused
Add a missing verb
are caused
from
Change preposition
by
transportations
should be reduced by modern technology produced by Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
government
, especially for citizens who use lots of cars or Correct article usage
the government
motorbike
every day. Fix the agreement mistake
motorbikes
Consequently
, if people use new technology which have
been integrated with Change the verb form
has
transportations
to reduce the percentage of emissions. Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
For instance
, pollutants such
as carbon dioxide, carbon
monoxide can Correct word choice
and carbon
be change
to renewable energy with new high-technology for cars produced by Toyota company from Japan, respectively.
Change the verb form
be changed
Thus
, it can be seen that the negative effect
of dwelling and health Fix the agreement mistake
effects
issue
that Fix the agreement mistake
issues
government
should look up those problems. Correct article usage
the government
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that modern technology and expand
the domain are necessary to tackle the problems.Wrong verb form
expanding
Submitted by [email protected] on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Aim to provide a clearer thesis statement that directly answers the prompt to improve task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance clarity of your main arguments by structuring paragraphs around a single idea supported by specific examples.
Task Achievement
Avoid general statements and instead give concrete examples to illustrate your points better.
Language Accuracy
Work on maintaining subject-verb agreement and using a range of sentence structures effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth to aid the reader's understanding.
Understanding of the Prompt
You clearly acknowledge the importance of addressing housing and environmental problems by the government.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are structurally present, providing a foundation for your argument.
Use of Examples
Use of specific example of technology by Toyota is a good approach to illustrate your point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example