Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree.
NOWADAYS,
DUE TO
THE RISING
OF NEW ILLNESSES AND DISEASES, THERE ARE OPINIONS Replace the word
RISE
STATED
THAT GOVERNMENTS SHOULD TACKLE THE POLLUTED ENVIRONMENT AND HOUSING ISSUES TO DEAL WITH THEM. PERSONALLY, I AGREE WITH THE STATEMENT FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS.
IT MUST TO BE RECOGNIZED THAT POLLUTANTS CAN MAKE NEW OR Wrong verb form
STATING
CONTIBUE
TO THE EVOLUTION OF EXISTING ONES, MAKE THEM BECAME MORE AND MORE DANGEROUS. Correct your spelling
CONTINUE
WHEREAS
, HOUSING PROBLEMS, ESPECIALLY HOMELESSNESS, CAN CREATE AN IDEAL ENVIRONMENT FOR THE
DISEASES TO SPREAD FAST. BY REDUCING POLLUTION AND SOLVING Correct article usage
apply
ACCOMODATION
ISSUES, THE AUTHORITIES WILL LEAVE NO ROOM FOR NEW AND HARMFUL SICKNESSES OR THE CHANCE FOR THEM TO CREATE A Correct your spelling
ACCOMMODATION
PADEMIC
, Correct your spelling
PANDEMIC
NOT TO MENTION
AN EPIDEMIC. THEREFORE
, THEY ALSO
DEAL WITH TWO MORE MAJOR DILEMMAS IN THEIR NATION.
HOWERER
, IT IS Correct your spelling
HOWEVER
ALSO
TRUE THAT WE CAN TACKLE THE ILLNESSES BY INVESTING MORE MONEY IN THE HEALTHCARE FIELD TO DO MORE RESEARCH A BOUT
THE NEW DISORDERS. STILL, IT WILL COST A WHOLE LOT MORE MONEY TO SOLVE THE NEW PROBLEM THAN TO PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING. IF THE GOVERNMENTS ALLOCATED THE Correct your spelling
ABOUT
EXPENDIRTURE
CLEARING Correct your spelling
EXPENDITURE
POLLUTIONS
AND DEALING WITH HOUSING THINGS NOT OLNY SOLVED THE HEALTHCARE ISSUES, THEY CAN Fix the agreement mistake
POLLUTION
RISE
THE LIVING STANDARD OF Correct your spelling
RAISE
THERE
Correct your spelling
THEIR
RESIDENT
AT THE SAME Fix the agreement mistake
RESIDENTS
TIMES
. Fix the agreement mistake
TIME
WHILE
, THE OUTLAY IN STUDY
THE LATEST SICKNESS CAN TAKE Wrong verb form
STUDYING
LOT
MORE TIME, MONEY AND MANPOWER BUT Correct article usage
A LOT
DID
NOT SHOW THE Wrong verb form
DOES
EXPECTING
RESULT.
IN CONCLUSION, I APPROVE Replace the word
EXPECTED
WITH
THE AUTHORITIES DEALING WITH Change preposition
OF
ENVIRONMENT
POLLUTION AND HOUSING PROBLEMS TO ALLEVIATE THE ILLNESS AND DISEASE.Replace the word
ENVIRONMENTAL
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Introduction Improvement
Begin by refining your introduction for a clearer presentation of the topic and your stance. A strong hook and a smoother transition into your thesis statement can make your introduction more engaging.
Sentence Variety
In the body paragraphs, aim to diversify your sentence structures and use a range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
Grammar and Punctuation
Make sure to proofread for capitalization and spelling errors. Consistent accuracy in grammar and punctuation is key to maintaining a professional and polished essay.
Specific Examples
Try to include more varied and specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples or statistics can significantly strengthen your arguments.
Clear Stance
You have a clear stance throughout, consistently agreeing with the idea that tackling environmental and housing issues is critical to preventing illness and disease.
Logical Structure
Your essay structure is logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This organization aids in presenting your arguments coherently.
Critical Thinking
You succeeded in relating the discussion back to broader implications, such as improving the living standard and the efficiency of spending on healthcare, which shows an ability to think critically about the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite