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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
NOWADAYS,
DUE TO
 THE
RISING
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RISE
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 OF NEW ILLNESSES AND DISEASES, THERE ARE OPINIONS
STATED
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STATING
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 THAT GOVERNMENTS SHOULD TACKLE THE POLLUTED ENVIRONMENT AND HOUSING ISSUES TO DEAL WITH THEM. PERSONALLY, I AGREE WITH THE STATEMENT FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS. IT MUST TO BE RECOGNIZED THAT POLLUTANTS CAN MAKE NEW OR
CONTIBUE
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CONTINUE
 TO THE EVOLUTION OF EXISTING ONES, MAKE THEM BECAME MORE AND MORE DANGEROUS.
WHEREAS
, HOUSING PROBLEMS, ESPECIALLY HOMELESSNESS, CAN CREATE AN IDEAL ENVIRONMENT FOR
THE
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apply
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DISEASES TO SPREAD FAST. BY REDUCING POLLUTION AND SOLVING
ACCOMODATION
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ACCOMMODATION
 ISSUES, THE AUTHORITIES WILL LEAVE NO ROOM FOR NEW AND HARMFUL SICKNESSES OR THE CHANCE FOR THEM TO CREATE A
PADEMIC
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PANDEMIC
,
NOT TO MENTION
 AN EPIDEMIC.
THEREFORE
, THEY
ALSO
 DEAL WITH TWO MORE MAJOR DILEMMAS IN THEIR NATION.
HOWERER
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HOWEVER
, IT IS
ALSO
 TRUE THAT WE CAN TACKLE THE ILLNESSES BY INVESTING MORE MONEY IN THE HEALTHCARE FIELD TO DO MORE RESEARCH
A BOUT
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ABOUT
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 THE NEW DISORDERS. STILL, IT WILL COST A WHOLE LOT MORE MONEY TO SOLVE THE NEW PROBLEM THAN TO PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING. IF THE GOVERNMENTS ALLOCATED THE
EXPENDIRTURE
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EXPENDITURE
 CLEARING
POLLUTIONS
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POLLUTION
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 AND DEALING WITH HOUSING THINGS NOT OLNY SOLVED THE HEALTHCARE ISSUES, THEY CAN
RISE
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RAISE
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 THE LIVING STANDARD OF
THERE
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THEIR
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RESIDENT
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RESIDENTS
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 AT THE SAME
TIMES
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TIME
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.
WHILE
, THE OUTLAY IN
STUDY
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STUDYING
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 THE LATEST SICKNESS CAN TAKE
LOT
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A LOT
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 MORE TIME, MONEY AND MANPOWER BUT
DID
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DOES
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 NOT SHOW THE
EXPECTING
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EXPECTED
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 RESULT. IN CONCLUSION, I APPROVE
WITH
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OF
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 THE AUTHORITIES DEALING WITH
ENVIRONMENT
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ENVIRONMENTAL
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 POLLUTION AND HOUSING PROBLEMS TO ALLEVIATE THE ILLNESS AND DISEASE.
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Introduction Improvement
Begin by refining your introduction for a clearer presentation of the topic and your stance. A strong hook and a smoother transition into your thesis statement can make your introduction more engaging.
Sentence Variety
In the body paragraphs, aim to diversify your sentence structures and use a range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
Grammar and Punctuation
Make sure to proofread for capitalization and spelling errors. Consistent accuracy in grammar and punctuation is key to maintaining a professional and polished essay.
Specific Examples
Try to include more varied and specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples or statistics can significantly strengthen your arguments.
Clear Stance
You have a clear stance throughout, consistently agreeing with the idea that tackling environmental and housing issues is critical to preventing illness and disease.
Logical Structure
Your essay structure is logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This organization aids in presenting your arguments coherently.
Critical Thinking
You succeeded in relating the discussion back to broader implications, such as improving the living standard and the efficiency of spending on healthcare, which shows an ability to think critically about the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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