Some people in order to illness and disease , government should focus on reducing environmental population and housing problems . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In the
comtemporary
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contemporary
world , the degradation of
people
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people's
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wellness is caused by some environmental and housing factors . Many people in society think that the most
optimising
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optimal
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solutions
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solution
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is
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are
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concentrate
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to concentrate
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on
minimise
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minimising
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environmental
Correct article usage
the environmental
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population and housing problems .
While
I
agree
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agree on
agree to
agree with
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this
sentiment to a large extent , I am inclined that compelling outcomes will not be readily evident by simply concentrating on solving environmental contamination and housing challenges.
To begin
with , it is undeniable that the dire quality of water and air is the major
factors
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factor
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for
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in
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the deterioration of public
health
. In metropolitan areas , rampant air and water adulteration , stemming from industrial activities and urbanization waste , leads to chronic disease .
For instance
, one of the most popular rivers - the Ganges in India is
the
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a
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place that
related
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is related
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to severe ailments including cholera, dysentery, and hepatitis,
due to
an overwhelming amount of industrial and human waste discharged into the river.
Additionally
, inefficiencies in housing schemes exacerbate the issues of overpopulation and poor living conditions, leading to a lack of adequate sanitation, ventilation, and essential services.
Consequently
, these densely populated
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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become the breeding grounds for disease vectors,
such
as mosquitoes and fleas.
Therefore
, if governments put more emphasis on mitigating environmental issues and housing dilemmas,
such
problems will be alleviated to a great extent.
Nevertheless
, simply focusing on environmental and housing complications is not an effective way to combat all illnesses. It is imperative to recognize alongside these efforts, the government should prioritize raising public awareness and implementing educational programs.
Furthermore
, the promotion of robust lifestyles can encourage people to adopt healthy habits. To illustrate, a campaign in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam called upon the local citizens to incorporate a daily 30 minute-morning walk into their routines.
As a result
, the participants reported noticeable improvements in their mental and physical
health
.
In other words
, by enriching the population’s knowledge about
health
and prompting them to a more active lifestyle, the government not only lowers disease-related mortality rates but
also
eases the burden on its healthcare system. In conclusion , it is pivotal for governments to come up with initiatives to tackle obstacles posed by pollution and housing inefficiency in order to improve the population’s
health
.
However
, the underlying problems are not limited to those conundrums and the population itself
also
plays a crucial role.
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task response
Ensure a clear stance throughout your essay, maintaining consistency in your agreement or disagreement with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Consider integrating a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly, making your argumentation flow better.
task response
To enhance task achievement, include a broader variety of specific examples and evidence that directly support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and your perspective, providing a clear roadmap for the reader.
task response
Your essay effectively incorporates examples to support your points, such as the situation of the Ganges river and the campaign in Ho Chi Minh City.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion successfully encapsulates your arguments, reinforcing the complexity of the issue and your stance.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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