It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Taking risks may be important in some situations.
However
, I disagree with this
wholeheartedly, and I will elaborate on it in the following paragraphs.
On the one hand, if you want to be a successful person, you have to try something dangerous. Investing in something may bring you more fortune, but you need to worry about the loss that may happen to you. My friend Lily, who is a woman, likes to buy structured notes. She is very lucky and she becomes wealthy eventually. Buying this
is pretty risky because you may be bankrupted by doing that, but if you do not do that, you will not have the chance to earn extra money
quickly.
On the other hand
, I have seen the people who became poor suddenly. My mate Nina, who is a lady, interested in futures and options, and she puts enormous assets for them. However
, her investments were going down dramatically in a short time. Finally
, she ran out of the money
. She lost her job, house, car, and so on. I have no idea where is she now. Not everyone can be rich by doing adventure things. Therefore
, in my view, it would be better to keep your finances safe and you should not be greedy to make money
in the financial market.
In a nutshell, risking might help you earn more money
, but it is like a double-edged sword, it can also
end peoples' livers. As a result
, I disagree with this
action, because I believe safety is the most important one in the world.Submitted by edward300225 on
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Task Achievement
Include a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument to fully address the question. This could involve exploring more deeply how the advantages of risk taking could outweigh its disadvantages, given your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on developing a more structured layout for your essay with clear and distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea followed by supporting sentences.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss, and your conclusion summarizes your argument effectively, reinforcing your stance on the topic.
Task Achievement
For a stronger task achievement, ensure your examples are directly linked to the points you are making and clearly illustrate the argument you are presenting. This could involve explaining how your examples of Lily and Nina directly support your stance against taking risks.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides relevant personal examples (Lily and Nina) that make your argument more tangible.
Task Achievement
You successfully maintained a clear position throughout the essay, reiterating your stance against risk-taking in the conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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