IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say in orther to prevent illness and disease,governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #orther #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
The majority of people often
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should concentrate on housing
problems
 and environmental
pollution
 to prevent disease and illness.The author
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
 statement and will highlight the reason why in the following essay. It must be understood that
illnesss
Correct your spelling
illnesses
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 from
pollution
 of
environment
Add an article
the environment
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.
In other words
,the environment around people is the main reason cause
Change preposition
of epidemic
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epidemic
Change the noun form
epidemics
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 like cough and fufill.
Therefore
,
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 a
geen
Correct your spelling
better
 life,
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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health
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
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increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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immunity.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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present
Add a comma
present,
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 there are lots of patients are go to the hospital because they have
Add an article
a problem
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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in
Change preposition
with
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 their
health
.The
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
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that is
 the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
 of
pollution
 is increased,
therefore
,they have received
an advice
Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
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 from the doctor is use
facemask
Correct article usage
a facemask
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 when
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 out to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
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smoke and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
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. Another factor that governments should focus on
housing
Add a missing verb
is housing
show examples
problems
 because that has a big negative impact on population
health
.
This
 means citizen always live at their
house
 so it can be seen that most of the ill come from
this
.
Consequently
,always clean and invest in the
house
 to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illness or disease.Take the Covid 19 epidemic
for instance
,
folk
Fix the agreement mistake
Folks
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want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
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 to prevent it
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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must always clean the
house
 and keep the
house
always
Rephrase
apply
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fresh and
no
Correct your spelling
not
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 dirty
,
Remove the comma
apply
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because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bacteria can be in their
house
 so they usually keep the environment fresh and clean. In conclusion, governments should focus on reducing environmental
pollution
 and housing
problems
 because it is the best way to maintain good
health
 and protect ourselves.In my opinion,
this
 action will reduce
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illness and disease
as well as
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protect the physical
health
Change preposition
of
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the topic, but further development of your ideas with more diversified examples and explanations would enhance clarity and engagement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Aim for a better organization by having distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure each paragraph presents a cohesive idea.
General
Consider using a broader vocabulary and vary your sentence structures. Avoid repetition and aim to make your argument more compelling with a richer use of language.
Task Achievement
Your stance is clear and maintains consistency throughout the essay, which is good for the task response.
Content
The essay successfully outlines why reducing pollution and tackling housing problems can impact health positively, which shows understanding of the subject matter.
Coherence & Cohesion
You made a good attempt to use examples, like the significance of wearing facemasks and the importance of cleanliness during the COVID-19 pandemic, to support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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