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Writing Samples
Band 6

What are advantage and disadvantages of immigration?

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Regarding immigration,
people
Use synonyms
 have different views on it. Some
people
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said
Wrong verb form
say
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 good things about it, and some
people
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 do not think so.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, it is better to move to a foreign country. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both the demerit and merit of it. On the one hand, in a strange land, it will be difficult to fit in, because the
people
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 there are not the
people
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 you are familiar with in your homeland.
Instead
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, you may think they are weird. In some scenarios, you may bump into misunderstandings
due to
Linking Words
 cultural differences.
For example
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, in India, cows are considered sacred, so if you buy leather products as a present for Indians, they will be offended by your gifts.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is super important to know others' traditions.
Otherwise
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, you will have a trouble. Parts of
people
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 who have lived in other nations can not stand those environments and their style of living.
Therefore
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, they back to their hometowns.
On the other hand
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, in Taiwan, we are facing many problems
such
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 as low salaries, a war, rising cost of living, and so on.
Thus
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, going to other realms for a living may be a great idea, because our motherland is not suitable anymore. More and more
people
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 agree with that point of view.
For instance
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,
people
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 in my
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 were complaining about the situations they were coping with.
Hence
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, most of them applied for foreign jobs in New Zealand, because of the higher wages. They believe they can earn a lot from it, and live there for good. In a nutshell, it is not easy to get
along with
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people
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 who have different backgrounds. Especially, to live with outlanders can be hard for some
people
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.
However
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, living in other nations may help you financially and economically. because you could have more revenue from working in that place.

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Introduction Clarity
Consider starting your essay with a clearer introduction that outlines the advantages and disadvantages you plan to discuss. This will help the reader understand your essay structure more effectively.
Cohesion and Linking
Work on making your paragraphs more cohesive by using linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more smoothly.
Balanced Argument
In discussing advantages and disadvantages, aim for balance in your arguments. Make sure to explore both sides equally to provide a more unbiased perspective.
Use of Examples
You have effectively provided examples to support your points, making your arguments more concrete.
Relevance to Topic
Successfully identifying real-world issues like low salaries, cost of living, and the idea of moving abroad for better opportunities. These relevant specifics enhance your argument.
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