Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, it is said that governments should concentrate on decreasing housing problems and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
pollution
with the purpose preventing
disease and Change preposition
of preventing
illness
. As I see it, I totally agree with that idea. This
writing will provide the risk of climate change and disease.
The main reason of
Change preposition
for
illness
is come from the
Correct article usage
apply
suddenly
climate change Change the adverb
sudden
by
air Change preposition
apply
pollution
and the
Correct article usage
apply
others factor
. Air Fix the agreement mistake
other factors
pollution
bring
a lot of Change the verb form
brings
drawback
to people’s health. Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
Moreover
, it is the cause of many sicknesses such
as cancer, cough, …, etc.
The amount of gas and smoke that is
contained in air
Add an article
the air
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
the
Correct article usage
an
extremely
malady in health. Change the word
extreme
Therefore
, reducing the polluted material may be the best way of
Change preposition
for
government
Correct article usage
the government
in
present.
Change preposition
at
Secondly
, the Government can do some activities to help people who is
poor Change the verb form
are
so
can't have a good place to live. They can donate to them like build for them a small house with good utilities. So they can avoid some Infectious Diseases to help other people don't get that Correct word choice
and
illness
. On the other hand
, we can do something to protect ourselves from illness
like drinking more water, add
some vitamins, wearing warm clothes and wearing a mask to protect ourselves from others.
In conclusion, government Wrong verb form
adding
spend
more time and profit on reducing Wrong verb form
spending
environment
Replace the word
environmental
pollution
and housing problems is the most correct way and Correct your spelling
fastest
fatest
that countries can act and investChange the word
fattest
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development
Try to expand on your ideas more thoroughly by giving more detailed examples or explanations to demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
sentence variation
Work on varying your sentence structure to enhance readability and cohesion. This includes mixing simple, complex, and compound sentences to make your essay more engaging.
paragraph organization
Ensure your paragraphs are well-organized with clear main ideas, and subsequent sentences should directly support or elaborate on those main ideas.
accuracy
Proofread your essay for small inaccuracies in grammar, punctuation, and spelling. These errors can slightly distract readers, but your argument is still understandable.
position clear
Your essay clearly agrees with the statement and provides reasons for your viewpoint.
structure
You introduced and concluded the essay, helping to frame your argument.
on topic
Your essay touches on key topics related to the prompt, reflecting a good understanding of the task requirements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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