IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience

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In some countries,
university
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students
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 live with their families
while
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 studying,
whereas
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 in others, they move to another city to attend
university
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.
While
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 living away from home can present challenges
such
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 as financial burdens and homesickness,
this
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 essay argues that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, as it provides better educational opportunities and fosters independence. One of the key benefits of studying in another city is access to high-quality education, regardless of location. Many top-ranking universities are concentrated in countries
such
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 as the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia.
As a result
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,
students
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 who live in regions with fewer prestigious institutions may need to relocate for better academic opportunities.
For instance
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, in my country, many
students
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 choose to study abroad to gain a superior education, improve their language skills, and increase their chances of securing high-paying jobs.
Additionally
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, moving away allows
students
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 to experience different cultures and build global networks, which can be beneficial for their careers. Another advantage of living independently is the development of essential life skills.
Students
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 learn to manage their finances, cook, and balance academic responsibilities without relying on family support.
This
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 sense of responsibility and self-reliance prepares them for adulthood and future workplaces.
On the other hand
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, studying away from home often leads to higher expenses.
Students
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 must cover not only tuition fees but
also
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 rent, transportation, and daily living costs.
In contrast
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, staying with family helps reduce financial pressures.
However
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, obtaining a degree from a prestigious
university
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 can lead to better job prospects and higher salaries, which can compensate for the initial costs. In conclusion,
although
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 moving away
for
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from
show examples
university
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 can be expensive, the long-term benefits outweigh the drawbacks. It offers access to superior education, enhances personal growth, and increases career opportunities, making it a worthwhile decision.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction presents a clear thesis statement and outlines the main points of discussion effectively. However, consider explicitly stating the disadvantages in the introduction for better clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance the logical flow of ideas. This will help clarify how each point relates to the overall argument.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, but consider including specific data or statistics to strengthen your claims about the benefits of studying abroad.
Task Achievement
While you clearly state your argument, consider exploring the disadvantages more thoroughly in one of your body paragraphs to present a more balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
You effectively articulate the benefits of living away from home, providing strong reasoning and personal insights that enhance your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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