IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that nowadays children have too much freedom. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
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The question of whether
children
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 have too much
freedom
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 in today's society is a contentious issue, drawing varied perspectives from parents, educators, and policymakers.
While
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 some argue that modern
children
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 enjoy excessive
freedom
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, others contend that
this
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autonomy
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 is essential for their development and well-being. To form a comprehensive understanding of
this
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 issue, it's crucial to examine both sides of the argument. Proponents of the view that
children
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 have too much
freedom
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 often point to a perceived decline in parental authority and societal norms. They argue that modern parenting styles, characterized by permissiveness and leniency, have led to a generation of undisciplined and entitled youth. With the proliferation of digital devices and social media,
children
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 have unprecedented access to information and entertainment, often without adequate supervision or guidance.
This
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 unrestricted access can expose them to inappropriate content and risky
behaviors
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behaviours
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, leading to concerns about their safety and well-being.
Additionally
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, critics of
children
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's
freedom
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 argue that excessive
autonomy
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 can hinder their development of essential life skills and resilience. Without appropriate boundaries and structure,
children
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 may struggle to learn important lessons about responsibility, accountability, and self-discipline. They may
also
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 lack the necessary coping mechanisms to navigate challenges and setbacks effectively.
On the other hand
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, advocates for
children
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's
freedom
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 argue that
autonomy
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 is crucial for fostering independence, creativity, and self-expression. They contend that overly restrictive environments can stifle
children
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's natural curiosity and impede their exploration of the world around them. By allowing
children
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 to make choices and take risks within safe boundaries, parents and caregivers empower them to develop critical thinking skills, problem-solving abilities, and confidence in their own abilities.
Moreover
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, proponents of
children
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's
freedom
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 emphasize the importance of respecting
children
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's rights and agency. In an increasingly diverse and interconnected world, it's essential to recognize
children
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 as individuals with unique needs, preferences, and perspectives. By granting them
freedom
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 within reasonable limits, parents and society demonstrate trust and respect for their
autonomy
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, laying the foundation for healthy relationships and personal development. In conclusion, the question of whether
children
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 have too much
freedom
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 is complex and multifaceted, with valid arguments on both sides.
While
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 excessive
autonomy
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 may pose challenges and risks, appropriate levels of
freedom
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 are essential for
children
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's growth, independence, and well-being. Striking a balance between
autonomy
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 and supervision is key, ensuring that
children
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 have the support and guidance they need to thrive in today's world.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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Specific Examples
To improve your essay further, consider integrating more specific examples that illustrate your points. Real-world examples, statistics, or studies can add depth and credibility to your argument.
Linkage
For an even stronger coherence and cohesion, try to enhance the linkage between paragraphs through more explicit transition phrases that connect your ideas more distinctly. This will aid in guiding the reader more smoothly through your argument flow.
Sentence Structure
Ensuring a balance between complex and simple sentence structures can make your writing more engaging and easier to follow. Incorporating a mix of both will show a greater command of the language.
Balanced Argument
You've constructed a balanced argument by considering multiple viewpoints, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Effective Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively outline and summarize the main points of your essay, making your argument clear and compelling.
Structure and Flow
The essay is well-structured, with a logical flow of ideas that supports coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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