Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying altrnative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #altrnative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development

Some people believe that it is more beneficial

cosuming

Correct your spelling

consuming

alternative

medicines

rather than taking advice from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

traditional physicians. I

firemly

Correct your spelling

firmly

believe that

although

this

trend of taking

alternative

medicines

carries both

positive

Fix the agreement mistake

positives

show examples

and negatives, I would argue that the disadvantages are far stronger. Admittedly, there are some benefits associated with

this

development.

Firstly

, these categories of drug remedies

contains

Change the verb form

contain

show examples

fewer side effects

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

allopathy

medicines

For instance

, the basic compositions of

Ayurvedhic

Correct your spelling

Ayurvedic

medicice

Correct your spelling

medicine

Change the verb form

are

show examples

made

Change preposition

from

show examples

the extracts of herbal plants and

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

parts.

Hence

, there is no

chances

Fix the agreement mistake

chance

show examples

of occuring adverse reactions in patients.

Secondly

, most of the

alternative

medicines

regimes are affordable for the

beneficieries

Correct your spelling

beneficiaries

that

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

greatly

supports

Correct subject-verb agreement

support

show examples

the economically weaker populations in our society. To exemplify that, the locally available natural remedies

using

Wrong verb form

used

show examples

in Unani and Siddha drugs can be provided

Change preposition

show examples

lower retail

prize

Correct your spelling

prices

show examples

Nonetheless

, despite the positives mentioned above, I believe that

this

development is negative

overall

for two reasons. One is that, there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

no clinically tested or proven practices in the field of

alternative

medicines

thus

, there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

possibities

Correct your spelling

possibilities

for malpractices and

fraudulant

Correct your spelling

fraudulent

activities.

For example

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

of drugs

doesn't

Correct subject-verb agreement

don't

show examples

undergoes

Change the verb form

undergo

show examples

certain

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

show examples

of quality

checkes

Correct your spelling

checks

checked

checkers

and safety standard monitoring authorizations by the Government drug

contole

Correct your spelling

console

control

departments that may lead to mishaps and epidemic events like community hazards and morbidities among people those were using these categories of drugs. Another point to consider is that there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

possibities

Correct your spelling

possibility

of proper diagnostic methods followed by the practitioners of

alternative

medicines

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

to the certified Doctors.

For instance

, there are more incidents of commencement of treatment without conducting recommended diagnostic tests in naturopathies,

whereas

, modern doctors prefer to find out the disease conditions and initiation of required

treament

Correct your spelling

treatment

of choice only after doing clinical and radiological tests in sick clients. In conclusion ,

while

I acknowledge the possible upsides of giving more preference to

alternative

medicines

, it is my personal conviction that the downsides are more pronounced.

Submitted by dixonpeter24 on Wed Apr 24 2024

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Spelling and Typos

Try to maintain consistency in spelling, such as 'Ayurvedic' instead of 'Ayurvedhic', and be mindful of typographical errors like 'cosuming' (consuming), 'firemly' (firmly), 'beneficieries' (beneficiaries), and 'prize' (price). Ensuring correct spelling contributes to clarity and professionalism in your writing.

Use of Linkers

Consider using a wider range of linking words to help transition more smoothly between ideas and paragraphs. While your essay is logically structured, enhancing the use of connectives can improve the flow and coherence of your argument.

Argument Development

For better task achievement, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses the prompt. Your essay admirably outlines both sides of the argument; continuing to refine how each paragraph's main idea supports your stance will enhance clarity. Include more varied and specific examples to substantiate your arguments further.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument, demonstrating good capability in structuring your essay.

Balanced Argument

You've done well to provide supporting points for both the advantages and disadvantages of alternative medicines, which shows a balanced approach to answering the essay question.

Use of Examples

The inclusion of specific examples, such as Ayurvedic medicine and government drug control departments, helps to illustrate your points clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

331 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Include an introduction and conclusion

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