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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime
The line graph compares the changes that took place in New Port city
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 between 2003 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, between 2003 and 2012
car
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theft
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 and robbery
got
Verb problem
had
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 no change
at the end
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 chart. But burglary decreased
step
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 by
step
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. In 2003 cases of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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burglary occurred about 3.500
times
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. The highest
point
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 was in 2004
nearby
Correct your spelling
nearly
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 4000
times
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.
Then
Linking Words
 in
2008
Add a comma
2008,
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 it decreased significantly to around 1.300 instances. In 2012 it was nearly 2.000 events.
Car
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theft
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 crime was near to 3000 in 2003. In 2006
this
Linking Words
point
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 showed
that
Correct word choice
apply
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2.000 and it was the lowest
point
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 in
car
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theft
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 crime. But till 2012 it increased
step
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 by
step
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 to about 2.700
times
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. So, in the case of
car
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Use synonyms
theft
Add a comma
theft,
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 there is almost no result. The third case is robbery. The starting
point
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 of
this
Linking Words
 crime was in 2003
with
Change preposition
apply
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about 600
times
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. Until 2005 it increased moderately to near to 1000
times
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. In fact, until 2011 it fluctuated between 500 and almost 1000
times
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. As
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
car
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theft
Use synonyms
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 there is no result about solving them.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words car, theft, step, times, point with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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