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Band 5.5

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents,for instance for sport or music and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #talents #sport #music #child #sports #person #musician
It is commonly accepted that some individuals are born with natural gifts,which can be developed in sports or music,but others are not able to do that.
However
,on the other side,
public
Correct article usage
the public
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think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
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 that these skills could be achieved by hardly training or studying. In my opinion, these skills could be gained through practice and working on yourself. On the one hand, in our history, vast numbers of greatest
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
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 were born with certain
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 and successfully demonstrated that to our world. Most of them thought that they were able to do that without any difficulty,which undoubtedly served as a bad joke for them.
For example
, one of the most popular boxers, Vitaly Klichko, won the heavyweight championship in 2006 and was one of the most famous and influential boxers in that year.
However
, he lost that belt after
year
Correct article usage
a year
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 in competition,because he did not train well and was sure that he would win.
This
 example shows that natural gifts do not help him to hold the belt and lose it in the next year.
Therefore
, many athletes hope for their abilities to win and can lose their motivation and control over themselves.
On the other hand
,certain
capacity
Fix the agreement mistake
capacities
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 are not indicators of success. The quality can be achieved through hard training and believing in yourself. Many sportsmen, especially those who do not have athlete propositions, become the greatest and attain their dreams.
For instance
,Mike Tyson was the youngest champion in his weight class, but before that, he had been training hard and was under the direction of his trainer,who promoted him and gave advice on technique training.
Additionally
, he had
motivation
Add an article
the motivation
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 to effort and up to
this
 day many young
competitor
Change to a plural noun
competitors
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 take his technique and admire how he could do that.
Hence
,through hard work,good training and dream skills are promoted and helped to build career and confidence.
Overall
, the vast majority of people think that
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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born
Add a missing verb
are born
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 with
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 gift,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 can help them to become the greatest sportsmen or
competitor
Fix the agreement mistake
competitors
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,
however
,others think it is possible to gain that through
hard
Add an article
the hard
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 job. In my point of view,people can become greater without natural gifts and most individuals who have natural power can lose themselves and lose their ability to
performance
Replace the word
perform
show examples
.
Submitted by batirka06 on

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Grammar and Punctuation
Be mindful of your grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and professionalism. For example, consider revising 'public think' to 'the public thinks' and paying close attention to the use of commas and periods for better sentence structure.
Sentence Variety
Strive for variety in your sentence structure to keep the reader engaged. This includes using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate linguistic flexibility.
Vocabulary
Consider expanding your vocabulary to include more precise and varied language. This not only demonstrates a higher level of English proficiency but also makes your argument more compelling.
Structure
Your essay presents a clear structure, with a distinguishable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in the essay's overall coherence.
Task Achievement
You've done well in discussing both views on the topic, as well as presenting and supporting your own opinion, meeting the task's requirements effectively.
Use of Examples
The use of specific examples, such as Vitaly Klichko and Mike Tyson, effectively supports your main points and makes your argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innate talent
  • Nurture
  • Prodigy
  • Proficiency
  • Deliberate practice
  • Physiological factors
  • Grit
  • Perseverance
  • Cultural norms
  • Structured training
  • Physical predisposition
  • Natural aptitude
  • Dedicated training
  • Societal influence
  • Passion
  • Genetic endowment
  • Skill acquisition
  • Expertise
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Mastery
  • Cognitive abilities
What to do next:
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