IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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Types of approaches we should
make
Correct your spelling
take
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 to reduce
crime
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 rates have become a topic of widespread debate
among
Change preposition
in
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 society.
While
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 some individuals argue that increasing
prison
Use synonyms
sentences'
Change noun form
sentences
show examples
 time is the solution, others contend that it would not be as effective and better solutions can be applied. I totally agree with the latter statement. I will delve into both claims in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On one hand, Increasing the time spent in
prison
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 for criminals is suggested by some commentators. I can understand their perspective, in which they say that longer sentences
prevents
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prevent
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 the potential future
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of commiting
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commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 crimes for the prisoners. when we raise the consequences for crimes,
less
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fewer
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 people are eager to do them and
thus
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crime
Use synonyms
 rate declines.
On the other hand
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,
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
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 of greater punishments not only have never been positive
,
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apply
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but
also
Linking Words
 have been indeed detrimental in terms of
crime
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 rate. prisoners who stay longer in jails are usually damaged mentally and longer
prison
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 correlates with greater mental
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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.
Therefore
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, Other Alternatives are suggested to apply,
such
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 as educating prisoners,
this
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 has been proven that
organization
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organizations
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 that hold educational classes in
prions
Correct your spelling
prisons
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 have been considerably
succesfull
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successful
 in terms of dropping
crime
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 rates. In conclusion,
while
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 it may look like
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
prolonged
prison
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 sentences result in lower
crime
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 rates, it is actually the opposite and
i
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I
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 completely agree that other methods should be implemented to reduce them.
Submitted by soroush.nezami on

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Task Achievement
Your essay effectively covers both views and your opinion, asserting a strong stance in favor of alternative crime reduction strategies. Continuing to enrich your argument with diverse, concrete examples would further enhance your essay's persuasiveness.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've showcased a good structure by organizing your essay into paragraphs, each serving a clear purpose. To strengthen coherence, work on smoother transitions between ideas and maintain a consistent use of formal language throughout.
Introduction & Conclusion
A clear introduction and conclusion articulating both views and your stance.
Logical Structure
Logical structuring of paragraphs to discuss each view separately before stating your conclusion.
Supported Main Points
Use of specific suggestions, such as education in prisons, to support your argument for alternative methods of reducing crime.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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