IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
Types of approaches we should
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
 to reduce
crime
 rates have become a topic of widespread debate
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society.
While
 some individuals argue that increasing
prison
sentences'
Change noun form
sentences
show examples
 time is the solution, others contend that it would not be as effective and better solutions can be applied. I totally agree with the latter statement. I will delve into both claims in
this
 essay. On one hand, Increasing the time spent in
prison
 for criminals is suggested by some commentators. I can understand their perspective, in which they say that longer sentences
prevents
Change the verb form
prevent
show examples
 the potential future
Change preposition
of commiting
show examples
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 crimes for the prisoners. when we raise the consequences for crimes,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 people are eager to do them and
thus
crime
 rate declines.
On the other hand
,
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
show examples
 of greater punishments not only have never been positive
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
 have been indeed detrimental in terms of
crime
 rate. prisoners who stay longer in jails are usually damaged mentally and longer
prison
 correlates with greater mental
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
.
Therefore
, Other Alternatives are suggested to apply,
such
 as educating prisoners,
this
 has been proven that
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 that hold educational classes in
prions
Correct your spelling
prisons
show examples
 have been considerably
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 in terms of dropping
crime
 rates. In conclusion,
while
 it may look like
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
prolonged
prison
 sentences result in lower
crime
 rates, it is actually the opposite and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree that other methods should be implemented to reduce them.
Submitted by soroush.nezami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay effectively covers both views and your opinion, asserting a strong stance in favor of alternative crime reduction strategies. Continuing to enrich your argument with diverse, concrete examples would further enhance your essay's persuasiveness.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've showcased a good structure by organizing your essay into paragraphs, each serving a clear purpose. To strengthen coherence, work on smoother transitions between ideas and maintain a consistent use of formal language throughout.
Introduction & Conclusion
A clear introduction and conclusion articulating both views and your stance.
Logical Structure
Logical structuring of paragraphs to discuss each view separately before stating your conclusion.
Supported Main Points
Use of specific suggestions, such as education in prisons, to support your argument for alternative methods of reducing crime.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: