IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people argue that radio is the best way to get news while other thinks that television is better for this purpose. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #radio #news #television #purpose
There is a belief that radio is the best medium to provide knowledge.
On the other hand
, some argue that television works better in that matter. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will evaluate
on
Change preposition
apply
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why, I entirely support TV as the source of greater information.
To begin
 with, listening is not the best way to learn. We can remember much more by encouraging multiple senses.
For instance
, when we hear and see the movie at the same time it helps our memory to recognise more details and there is no need for a good imagination.
Moreover
, it requires
very
Add an article
a very
the very
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 good hearing to be sure after one radio
transmition
Correct your spelling
transmission
 what was mentioned.
Therefore
, I believe that
radio
Change noun form
radio's
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 disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Secondly
, gestures play a pivotal role in communication. Seeing news allows us to observe
behaviour
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the behaviour
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 of people presenting the news. It helps our brain to activate and process more data at the same time.
For example
, sometimes we may notice if a presenter talks about
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 or negative event based on his or her
face
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facial
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 expression. That person
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only influences our feedback
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
 makes the show itself unique. In my opinion, it is essential
in
Change preposition
to
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geting
Correct your spelling
getting
 news through any medium.
To sum up
, some think that we should listen to information
instead
 of both hearing and seeing it.
However
, I stand for TV since it turns on more senses and gives additional atmosphere through
screen
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
.
Submitted by Aga on

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Detailed Examples
To enhance your essay, consider integrating more specific examples to support your points about the effectiveness of television over the radio. This could include citing studies or statistically significant data that highlight the advantages of visual over audio learning.
Smooth Transitions
While your essay has a clear structure, aiming to improve transitions between paragraphs could enhance the flow even more. Consider using phrases that link ideas more smoothly from one paragraph to the next.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear opinion and justified it throughout the essay, demonstrating good task achievement.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion neatly encapsulate your argument, showing strong skills in structuring your essay.
Language Use
You effectively used a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which contributes positively to the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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