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Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast food. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #foods #food #effect #families #societies
Several nations replaced the original
food
 in their culture with some other kind of fast
food
, and that holds the belief of the negative effect on both families and the community.
This
 essay will agree with the statement because, in my opinion, I believe that replacing the traditional with fast
food
 is not a good change, and the change should be positive
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals.   
To begin
 with, fast
food
such
 as pizza and burgers,
although
 they are delicious, are at the same time very dangerous for the health of the person;
in other words
, the replacement
in
Add the comma(s)
, in this case,
show examples
this
 case is not reasonable.
For instance
, Harvard shows in their study that eating fast
food
 increases the risk of heart attack, and the opposite with traditional foods people lived for a long time.    Another point to consider is that the original dishes from our culture are often made for a long time, which means that in the past, there were no dangerous fats.
For example
, if we see the ingredients of an old dish, probably we will not see bad things in it, unlike fast
food
, which holds a lot
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
     In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that replacing fast
food
 with traditional
food
 is not a good thing for us, and we should be aware of the negative effects.  Whether for health or a different reason, we should not forget to develop our traditional foods
instead
 of changing them and seeking better habits, and eventually that will lead to a good body and good health.
Submitted by ahmedaziz9811 on

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Language usage
The use of language could be improved to enhance clarity and sophistication. Try to avoid repetition and vary your sentence structures to make the essay more engaging.
Evidence and Examples
The main points are clear but could be more thoroughly supported with detailed and specific examples. Incorporate more concrete evidence or case studies to strengthen your arguments.
Logical Flow
The logical flow of ideas could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and consider using more linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
Structure
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, both of which clarify your stance on the issue.
Task Response
The essay addresses the task effectively, raising key points about the health effects and cultural significance of traditional foods.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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