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Band 5

Some people think that libraries are a waste of resources and money so computers should replace them. However, others do not agree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #libraries #waste #resources #money #computers
Certain individuals believe that computers should substitute
libraries
 because investment in
libraries
 is draining resources.
However
, others suggest the opposite and
also
 want the
libraries
 to be preserved. From my perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
libraries
 are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
great sources of knowledge and computers cannot make them redundant.
To begin
 with, nowadays readers are
allured
Verb problem
attracted
show examples
 towards Ebooks and soft copies of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books on the computer and they are cheaper
as well as
 easier to obtain than a hard copy of a
book
. So, the soft copies are more popular these days.
For example
, Amazon
kindle
Capitalize word
Kindle
show examples
 sells pdf of a
book
 at almost half of the price of an original paperback form of a
book
.
Thus
, a user always tries to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways that reduce his costs and definitely buys
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online books.
Besides
this
, the readers
also
 do not frequently visit the
libraries
 because of their busy schedule
thus
 it is quite comfortable to order a
book
 online and read it at home without the haste of returning it in a certain period.
On the contrary
,
libraries
 are places where a reader
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 read any
book
 and gain knowledge without paying anything and they offer a serene
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. One of the benefits of the library is that it reduces the eye strain which some of the users of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 complain about. Ebook readers are constantly exposed to blue light and face many eyesight problems.
However
, someone who prefers
paperback
Correct article usage
the paperback
show examples
 version
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have to face any strain on his eyes.
Thus
, many people avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online resources and get membership
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a library.
To conclude
, despite the fact that computers are reducing the costs of a
book
 reader
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these cannot completely take place of the
libraries
.
Instead
Add a comma
Instead,
show examples
libraries
 are resourceful and provide satisfaction to a reader. So, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
libraries
 should be funded appropriately.
Submitted by Kiran on

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Development
Keep focusing on developing your argument comprehensively and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea supported by relevant examples or reasons.
Cohesion
Work on refining your transitions and connecting phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Language Use
Consider varying your sentence structure more to add complexity and sophistication to your writing.
Task Response
You have effectively discussed both views and provided a clear personal opinion, meeting the task requirements well.
Structure
Your essay has a good logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Supporting Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repository
  • cultural hub
  • community engagement
  • digital divide
  • inequality
  • sustainable
  • affordability
  • technological advancement
  • information retrieval
  • hybrid resources
  • social interaction
  • evolution of libraries
  • complementary
  • access to information
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