IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:" Advances in technology have made people happier than they were before."? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#advances #technology #people #support
In recent decades easy access to technologies and the internet greatly influenced the
world
 in everything.
However
, some
people
 believe that the introduction of innovations has a bad influence on the new generation. I lean towards the belief, that devices make
people
’s lives happier, rather than worse. Analyzing specific examples, as a possibility to meet and connect to new
people
,
as well as
 the opportunity to work for the leading countries, will prove my point
accordingly
. First of all, the internet provides us an opportunity to connect to
people
 around the
world
.
For example
, Mark Zuckerberg is married to Priscilla, a woman with Asian roots, who got a chance to meet her husband through meticulous technological advancement. It is a big advantage to get a chance to tie up with
people
 all over the
world
.
Secondly
, access to knowledge online substantially improved many
people
’s lives. The nations of the third
world
 countries inevitably require a boost for the education system.
For instance
, the work market in advanced countries, like the USA, is densely filled with remote employees from India.
Thus
, the family’s life of the employee can be significantly improved by the mentioned measurements. In conclusion, we analyzed the reasons how innovations have improved day-to-day life for everyone as technologies advance. Particularly, the wide range of opportunities to get to know other nations better and find friends abroad,
as well as
 working online for big corporations that provide decent compensation. Research predicts, that
further
 technological advancement might decrease poverty
up
Change preposition
by up
show examples
 to 2%
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:" Advances in technology have made
people
 happier than they were before."? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Submitted by elza.nikk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure the essay fully addresses all aspects of the prompt. Your introduction could be clearer about your stance. Also, the conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, starting the second body paragraph with a transitional phrase can help better connect it to the first.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in comprehending your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported and connected to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: