In many countries, people are now living longer then ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, in some parts of the world,
people
are living longer compared to previous decades. There has been a debate on wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
this
population
brings more problems to governments or more
beneficial. In my opinion, the disadvantages of having Add a missing verb
is more
elderly
Correct article usage
an elderly
population
outweigh the advantages.
One of the advantages of having Correct article usage
an elder
elder
Correct word choice
elderly
population
is that they can be main
sources of local history. In many developing countries, students can delve into historical narratives about their hometown by conducting interviews with senior Correct article usage
the main
citizen
. Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
This
is because they live in some historical periods such
as World War 2, colonialism and early
internet era. In Indonesia, Correct article usage
the early
for example
, historians could write on social
history of war against colonialism in the Add an article
the social
mid of 20th
century Replace the word
mid-20th
Correct word choice
and employed
employed
Wrong verb form
employ
interview
Correct article usage
the interview
method
with elder citizens who lived in that period. Fix the agreement mistake
methods
Therefore
, it is important for government
to protect elderly Add an article
the government
people
and ensures
that their basic needs are Correct subject-verb agreement
ensure
fulfiled
.
Correct your spelling
fulfilled
However
, other
believe that Fix the agreement mistake
others
an
ageing inhabitants Correct article usage
apply
creates
challenges for Correct subject-verb agreement
create
government
, particularly in health services. The increasing number of Correct article usage
the government
people
at age 70 to 80 are more likely have
health problems Fix the infinitive
to have
such
as diabetes, high blood pressure, and others. Consequently
, the government
should allocate their budget in order to take care of them. It means that the government
tend to face some disadvantages because of this
. The funding that they spent
for assisting older citizens, Wrong verb form
spend
for instance
, can be allocated to other areas such
as aducation
and sports Correct your spelling
education
center
for Fix the agreement mistake
centers
young
generation. Correct article usage
the young
Hence
, it can be said that the diadvantages
of having elderly Correct your spelling
disadvantages
advantages
people
outweigh the advantages.
In conclusion, while
senior citizens may give benefits for writing local history, I argue that there are more problems of having older
Correct article usage
an older
population
such
as health services that require more funding from the goverment
. Correct your spelling
government
It is clear that
the disadvantages outweigh the advatanges
in terms of having Correct your spelling
advantages
senior
Correct article usage
a senior
population
.Submitted by salwafahanim on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on expanding your examples and explanations to make your arguments more comprehensive.
Language Use
Try to include a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to reflect advanced language use.
Task Response
Balance the development of ideas between paragraphs. The discussion on advantages could be further expanded to match the depth given to disadvantages.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your argument.
Content
You provided specific examples (e.g., Indonesia, health issues) to support your points.
Coherence
Your essay maintains a logical flow, with appropriate paragraphing.