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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the percentage of journeys made by different forms of transport in four countries, and the bar graph show the results of a survey into car use

The table shows the percentage of journeys made by different forms of transport in four countries, and the bar graph show the results of a survey into car use
#percentage #journeys #forms #transport #four #countries #bar #show #results #survey #car
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The graphs illustrate the means of
transport
Use synonyms
over
Change preposition
in
show examples
four
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 and the reason why people use cars for commuting.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
 is the most popular
modes
Fix the agreement mistake
mode
show examples
 of
transport
Use synonyms
 in
four
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
. Especially, in Canada,
car
Use synonyms
 is incomparably high.
While
Linking Words
 other means account
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 lowest percentages in each
Use synonyms
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Canadians mostly use
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 since they go to
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 and there is no alternative. In detail,
Car
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 90% in Canada, followed by Belgium, Germany, and the Netherlands with 72%,68% and 47%, respectively. Bicycle is the second primary mode of
transport
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the Netherland
show examples
Netherland
Fix the agreement mistake
Netherlands
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
, its percentage in other
countries
Use synonyms
are taken up
Verb problem
is
show examples
 about 2%. Walking and public
transport
Use synonyms
 are not preferred in
Use synonyms
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, other means of
transport
Use synonyms
 just comprise
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 2 %
over
Change preposition
of
show examples
four
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as for reasons for Canadians’ preference for
Use synonyms
car
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
means
Correct article usage
a means
show examples
 of
transport
Use synonyms
, commuting and no alternative
are taken
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 up 30% and 38%, respectively. Night shift and quicker are comprise
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 10% of
reason
Add an article
the reason
show examples
 why people use cars.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Canadian
Replace the word
Canadians
show examples
 who drive cars for convenience record
less
Correct article usage
a less
show examples
 significant figure at 23% each.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words transport, four, countries, car with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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