In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
We witnessed that, so many massive changes had happened in agriculture and made
this
field so advanced, especially these days. However
, we cannot deny that a lot
of individuals around the world are struggling to find food for themselves and their families.
This
essay believes that,
Remove the comma
apply
this
issue is due to
the irresponsibility of some governments
, and suggests unions
consider more supplies for those poor people
.
To begin
with, some poor nations have a corrupted system, by that I mean their governers do a lot
of terrible things and steal from their own people
so that they become richer, also
, they gain a lot
of profit by just having poor citizens
, like, draw attentions from other wealthy countries for help. The money which they give to them will directly go to their accounts not to their citizens
. Furthermore
, some of their governments
do not have any experience or a degree of education.
For example
, so many Africans have died because of a lack of food and clean water all because their governments
decided to ignore those people
who are in need and just focus on things that are beneficial to them.
Although
I have this
belief that this
issue can be tackled by unions
, like The World Food Programme.
These unions
can provide some investigators who can go to those countries and gather information about how many men, women, and children are starving and what reasons are behind that; moreover
, they can create a complaint against their governments
to The International Criminal Court so that their citizens
be free from them.
To sum up
, as I mentioned in this
essay, some people
who work in the governments
are so irresponsible and do not care about their people
which is why they have a lot
of hungry citizens
. Despite the fact that the farming industry is getting better every day, it is not tackling their
problem,and Correct pronoun usage
its
unions
must take action against this
issue.Submitted by abbasisarina340 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument, maintaining focus on the question throughout. To further improve, ensure each paragraph fully develops a single main idea with more specific examples and explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a good overall structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. For enhancement, work on linking ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs to improve flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Diversify your sentence structures to add complexity and fluency to your writing. This will also help in improving coherence and making the argument more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Although your examples are relevant, aim for a variety of detailed examples. Including statistics, studies, or real-world cases can make your argument stronger and more convincing.
Introduction & Conclusion
Effectively introduced and concluded the essay, creating a full-circle understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Presented a clear stance on the topic, which was maintained throughout the essay, showing good task achievement.
Logical Structure
Organized ideas logically, making it easier to follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.