In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

These days in many nations, the number of elderly
people
has risen more than ever before and
this
happening has made concerns about how these
people
can be beneficial or more of a problem for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. In
this
passage
Add a comma
passage,
show examples
I am going to discuss why its disadvantages outweigh the benefits. On the one hand, older citizens are the main sources of
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
history
of their hometown,
therefore
, students can gather a ton of information for either
thesis
Correct pronoun usage
their thesis
show examples
or their own knowledge from their older grandparents, siblings or family friends. Another point of view to
this
opportunity is for writers of
history
, with the memory some of elderly society which have been through world war 2, nuclear bomb, massacres and so more, they writers can review the
history
in a more detailed, accurate way and write down the
history
for the future generations.
But
Correct word choice
On
show examples
on the other hand
,
this
population nowadays cost governments a lot more than before,
for example
, health insurance is a huge part of
Correct article usage
the governments
show examples
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
budget throughout the year,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
elderly
people
include an enormous amount of
this
funding
due to
diseases
such
as diabetes, blood pressure, blood fat and more to mention.
This
money can
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
on different expenses of cities to develop, build and construct commercial or recreational areas for youngsters.
In addition
, spending a part of
this
fund on
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
system will increase the quality of universities and give students more facilities for a better education. In conclusion, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their advantages in categories related to
history
, older
people
can
make
Verb problem
face
show examples
a lot of difficulties for governments in terms of
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
which clearly illustrates that their negative points outweigh their benefits.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure a balance between the advantages and disadvantages discussed to fully cover all aspects of the question.
Task Achievement
Consider developing examples further to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Keep a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You effectively introduced the topic and summarized the main points in your conclusion.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: