IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air popular. tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#internet #books #air #tickets #groceries
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Nowadays,
technology
Use synonyms
 has been and will continuously
evolving
Change the verb form
evolve
be evolving
show examples
. The progression to
technology
Use synonyms
 is done to make human more convenient to do their activities. One of them is shopping. With modern
technology
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,
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
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 activity experience may
slightly
Add a missing verb
be slightly
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 different
with
Change preposition
from
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 the conventional one. It may
gives
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give
show examples
 both advantages and disadvantages to
people
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.
By
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With
show examples
 modern
technology
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, some
people
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 find it easier to
shop
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. Mostly,
people
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 own smartphones.
They
Add a verb
They are
They were
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 able
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shop
Fix the infinitive
to shop
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things
Change preposition
for things
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 from the marketplace. In the marketplace,
people
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 can easily find the best thing to
byu
Correct your spelling
buy
 based on their
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
show examples
 from the great
feature
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features
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as search
engine
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engines
show examples
,
filter
Fix the agreement mistake
filters
show examples
 and
sort
Wrong verb form
sorting
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. Modern
technology
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 has cut
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
geographical boundaries so
people
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 can
shop
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 worldwide. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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also
Linking Words
 information shown to tell
people
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 about their shipping status,
thus
Linking Words
 they can track their goods.
The payment
Correct article usage
Payment
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 is
also
Linking Words
 more convenient because
people
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 can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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transfer
from
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with
show examples
debit
Correct article usage
a debit
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 or credit card. And those
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 of shopping can be done in their house without going outside. But there are some
people
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worry
Correct pronoun usage
who worry
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 about the
technology
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 used in the shopping activity. Some conventional
store
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stores
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
mall
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malls
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,
supermarket
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supermarkets
show examples
, and household
mart
Fix the agreement mistake
marts
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 are
found
Verb problem
apply
show examples
turned down
due to
Linking Words
 the decrement
of
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in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
buyers. It happened because
people
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 mostly
shift
Wrong verb form
shifted
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 their shopping
habbit
Correct your spelling
habits
habit
 to online shopping. It is
also
Linking Words
 dangerous if
people
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do
Verb problem
are
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 not aware
about
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of
show examples
phising
Correct your spelling
phishing
 or
scam
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scams
show examples
 that might happen when using their personal, debit or credit card information
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
uncredible
Correct article usage
an uncredible
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 marketplace. In my opinion,
technology
Use synonyms
 has
gave
Change the verb form
given
show examples
people
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 convenient experience in shopping. But
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other side,
people
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 can be more active
to
Change preposition
in shopping
show examples
shop
Use synonyms
 from their local conventional stores. It may help the local economy. Other than that,
people
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also
Linking Words
 have to be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their own personal information. So as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, we must be smart and wise to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ridhokholis9a on

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Introduction & Conclusion
In your essay, you effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear opinion, which is crucial for a strong introduction and conclusion. To further enhance your essay, consider developing a more distinct thesis statement in your introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss.
Cohesion
You've done a good job at using paragraphing to organize your essay, which is essential for the reader to follow your argument easily. To improve, consider linking your ideas more explicitly using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases that show contrast, cause and effect, or addition. This will help in making your argument flow more logically.
Task Response
While your response is complete, and you've discussed both advantages and disadvantages, deepening your analysis of each point with more detailed examples or further explanation could provide a more comprehensive understanding. For example, you could elaborate on a personal experience of online shopping or cite a specific instance of a local store affected by the shift to online shopping.
Balanced Argument
You have successfully provided a balanced view of the topic by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of online shopping, which aligns well with the task requirements.
Specific Examples
Your use of specific features of online shopping like the search engine, filter, and sort options, as well as the mention of shipping tracking and payment convenience, effectively supports your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: