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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

#people #zoos #purpose #today’s #world #alternatives
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Nowadays majority of
people
 argue about
zoos
 being. As an entertainment type a lot of cons for both
Animals
 and
people
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the problems that
people
 in
zoos
 can bring and the alternatives they are banned. On the one hand, the
people
 who object to
zoos
according to
 myself if they are coming to the
zoos
 get uncomfortable.
For instance
, the lions inside the cage are afraid of
people
's noise and feel stressed. Because of children's noise and other crowds.
As a result
, they are trying to harm the lives of children and scare
animals
.
Moreover
, as some
animals
 are natural, claimant change can cause sickness that could be transmitted to the air visitors.
On the other hand
, there are many solutions but that.
Firstly
,
people
 can watch TV programs Animal Plant or National Geographic which will open more opportunities
secondly
, some individuals can travel to African countries where they can watch
animals
' lifestyles. In conclusion, the
zoos
 can bring to
people
 positive things.
This
 please
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
animals
Rephrase
why animals
show examples
 get uncomfortable for wild
animals
. Alternatives
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mentioned above give the possibility
to lose
Change preposition
of losing
show examples
 local
zoos
.the
animalsbe
Correct your spelling
animals
animals be
 free in their natural habits.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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Introduction
Try to clarify your introduction by stating your main argument more clearly and providing a brief overview of the points you will discuss.
Paragraph Development
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it directly support that idea.
Supporting Examples
Use specific examples to support your points more effectively; general statements are less persuasive.
Logical Structure
Work on organizing your essay more logically; this includes having a clear progression from introduction to body paragraphs to conclusion.
Conclusion
Revise your conclusion to more clearly summarize your main points and restate your position on the topic.
Engagement
You engaged with the topic and attempted to cover both sides of the argument.
Task Response
You suggested alternatives to zoos, which shows an effort to tackle the second part of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ethical and animal welfare
  • artificial habitats
  • psychological distress
  • abnormal behaviors
  • conservation
  • inbreading
  • wildlife sanctuaries
  • rehabilitation centers
  • naturalistic habitats
  • virtual and augmented reality
  • ecotourism
  • wildlife documentaries
  • educational platforms
  • genetic pool
  • immersive experiences
  • conservation education
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