IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, some communities have more young adults than older
people
Use synonyms
. I believe the main benefits are more substantial.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, on the negative side, the higher
number
Use synonyms
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 can be an issue for an educational system, leading to overcrowded classrooms, insufficient resources and teachers not presenting the lesson.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are potentially lower academic outcomes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another negative side is that, since the
number
Use synonyms
 of young adults is higher than old
people
Use synonyms
, the job market becomes saturated for several years, and the economy may struggle to create enough jobs.
As a result
Linking Words
, we have numerous unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 in the long run, and the proportion of crime increased. Another potential disadvantage is that a high
number
Use synonyms
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 can lead to increased consumption of natural resources, including food, water, and energy, potentially leading to environmental damage.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are myriad positive outcomes which are associated with, first and foremost, younger adults having lower
healthcare
Use synonyms
 needs compared to older
people
Use synonyms
, who are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases and require long-term care.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can reduce the
overall
Linking Words
 burden on the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system.
Also
Linking Words
, a younger population can contribute to a robust
healthcare
Use synonyms
 workforce and is essential for maintaining and improving
healthcare
Use synonyms
 services.
In addition
Linking Words
, the younger populations are often more adaptable to change whether it is technological advancements, economic shifts, or social transformation.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 adaptability can make a society more resilient in the face of global challenges. In conclusion, a high
number
Use synonyms
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 compared to older
people
Use synonyms
 can offer significant advantages, including economic growth, technological innovation, cultural vitality, and enhanced global influence.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
While the essay presents a clear position and addresses both advantages and disadvantages, providing more specific examples would bolster the arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure: a main idea, followed by explanations and examples. This will enhance the logical structure and coherence of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces and concludes the topic effectively, framing the discussion well.
complete response
The main points are clear and address the given task comprehensively, presenting both sides of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: