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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned others however believe that people should be free to choose sport activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #activities
I always feel sleepy even after waking up for a long time. At one time in the past,
due to
 my
unconciousness
Correct your spelling
unconsciousness
consciousness
, I was unable to recall what I had learnt the previous day and generate any creative original
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
, which resulted in me
failling
Correct your spelling
failing
 the Literature exam. To encounter
such
 menace to productivity, the search for an energetic drink urged me. At that very moment, the Vietnamese milk
coffee
 came across my mind, and I immediately went on the Internet to find any recipe available. It turned out to be quite simple. To prepare, the ingredients you need are a can of condensed milk,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
pack of ground
coffee
 beans.
To begin
 with, put condensed milk into the cup, at a ratio of 1:4 with
coffee
.
The following step is
 to insert a decent amount of ground
coffee
 into a filter, a bit more than half.
Then
 you squeeze the
coffee
 down with a thin plate of metal, which comes in a set with the filter. After that, pour
in
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apply
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the hot boiling water
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the filter, wait until all the
coffee
 drains out,
then
 put in some ice cubes, enjoy, and start your day.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task achievement
Ensure the essay directly addresses the prompt given. The narrative about the personal experience with Vietnamese milk coffee, while interesting, does not relate to the discussion on dangerous sports and individual freedom to choose activities.
coherence cohesion
Use clear paragraphs to organize your essay, including an introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each view, and a conclusion where you state your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, use linking words or phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly, ensuring the reader can follow your argument easily.
task achievement
Back your discussion with specific examples or reasons why dangerous sports should or should not be banned, and why people should or should not be free to choose their sport activities, before giving your opinion on the matter.
positive feature
Creative and detailed description of making Vietnamese milk coffee, showing good narrative skills.
positive feature
Ability to engage the reader with a personal story, highlighting your ability to draw the reader into your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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