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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, the elderly are highly valued and respected, while in other youth is more highly valued. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays individuals believe that older
people
Use synonyms
 are highly respectful ,
whereas
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 in some countries some folks believe that young
people
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 are more valued. I,
however
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, with the latter view. In
this
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 essay, I intend to delve into both perspectives and draw my opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 argue that elderly
people
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 are more important and valued than young
people
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 because they believe that older
people
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 have a plethora of experiences
in addition
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 to that they think that they live life for a long time and they know everything
such
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 as about in how to solve problems related to the relationship or issues that regarding the country in the field of education, finance, economic.
Thus
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, older
people
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 are considered essential sources.
On the other hand
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, some folk believe that young
people
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 play a significant role for some reason. First and foremost they believe that because of technology and artificial intelligence, they have a variety of knowledge. To illustrate
that
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apply
show examples
young
people
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 are thinking in productive and creative ways because they learn from the internet and spend much time in front of the computer to learn about life. In fact,
according to
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 the surveys, many parents who are illiterate ask their children about conflicts that are happening in
another country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
moreover
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 they ask them about mathematics
such
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 as analytical numbers.
Consequently
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, parents and older
people
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 can get plenty of benefits from their children. In conclusion, some
people
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 argue that
people
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 who are above 60 years old are more knowledgeable and all
people
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 respect them ,
while
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 other says that
people
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 who are between 18 and above have a rich background in what is happening in the world. I assert that young
people
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 have plenty of benefits than older
people
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. The government should invest the young
people
Use synonyms
 by providing them with the rights and everything that they want
such
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 as free Internet.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your argument is clearly structured and easy to follow. Improving logical transitions between paragraphs can enhance coherence.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your arguments. This will bolster your response and make it more convincing.
language use
Be careful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. However, your overall points are clear.
introduction conclusion present
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability.
complete response
You managed to present both sides of the argument, which fulfills the essay requirements.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your opinion is stated clearly and is supported throughout the essay, making your perspective clear to the reader.
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