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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In today’s fast-paced society, various high-income job vacancies require more professional
skills
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 so parents have become more and more conscious of the importance of studying at school.
While
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 many people have an opinion of emphasizing only academic
subjects
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, others oppose
this
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 idea because of the necessity of other
subjects
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. From my perspective, it is essential for
students
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 to strike a balance at school. It is understandable that if the curriculum is merely about the main disciplines,
students
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 may be provided foundational knowledge and have more time to enhance their
skills
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.
For instance
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, in today’s educational program, English is one of the major
subjects
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 with four lessons per week.
However
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,
students
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 still find no time to improve their speaking
skills
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, which leads to the fact that most graduates cannot speak English fluently unless they attend extra classes in the evening. What is more, that school program emphasizes academic
subjects
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such
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 as Math
, Science
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and science
contributes
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and contributes
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 to advancing the
students
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’ problem-solving abilities.
Thus
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, it can be seen that there are some benefits to focusing on academic areas.
On the other hand
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, other disciplines including music and P.E.
also
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 play a crucial part in the student’s
overall
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 well-being.
Firstly
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, these
subjects
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 help the learners not only unwind after many stressful hours of studying but
also
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 promote life
skills
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.
For example
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, playing team sports
such
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 as football is a perfect chance for them to learn about time management
skills
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 and teamwork
skills
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 which are both vital when they grow up. The second highlight is that many talents in music and art may be discovered in these lessons. In fact, not every person is good at academic fields and if they are talented in specialized
subjects
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, they have numerous opportunities to have good careers in the future. In conclusion, in my opinion, it is unnecessary to eliminate talented
subjects
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 because of
many
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the many
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 upsides
it
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they
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brings
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bring
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 to the
students
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 including physical and spiritual aspects. That
students
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 strike a balance between academic disciplines and specialized ones may help them to have a brighter future.

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic that is fully expanded upon, supporting your arguments with specific examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth, using a range of linking words and phrases effectively.
lexical resource
Including a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex vocabulary could enhance the linguistic range of your essay, increasing its overall impact.
task achievement
You've effectively discussed both views on the importance of academic and non-academic subjects in schools, presenting a balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a reasoned conclusion reflecting your own view.
task achievement
Providing specific examples, such as the English lesson frequency and its impact, strengthens your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive.
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