IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Banking and their role in our life. Methods of paying.

#role #life #methods
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Nowadays, the banking system,
methods
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 of payment and storage of
money
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 have changed dramatically. Banking and funding are very important for the functioning of the modern world. Without a banking system, the way we profit from capital would not work. They allow people to save
money
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, borrow
money
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 and pay for things with ease and security.
Although
Linking Words
 many banking transactions are done online, some activities require visiting the bank.
For example
Linking Words
, opening or closing an account or deposit, people often have to visit the local branch when they want certain services. Every country has its own well-known branches in almost every city around the world making them convenient for people to
use
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. So,
this
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 service is
opened
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open
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 everyone and everywhere. Most clients will just need to see the tellers when they go to the bank office if they need to deposit cash or a cheque into their account.
However
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, they might need to see the manager if they want to open or overdraw it because they have spent more funds than there were in the account. And if they want to borrow
money
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 and get a loan the person will need to see the bank manager who will need to authorise the loan. But sometimes we have no enough time to get there.
Along with
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 being able to
use
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 cash or checks to pay for things, banks offer their customers the more convenient
methods
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 of using either a debit or credit card . These
methods
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 are very convenient as you just need to carry a small plastic badge to be able to pay for anything. When paying with plastic you will need to either sign a receipt or enter a PIN number to confirm the purchase and that you are authorized to
use
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 it. Paying with a QR code through the application
instead
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 of cash or a card is more convenient. So, today there are many banks and payment
methods
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 that a citizen or guest of any country can
use
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. Select your banking service provider and payment
methods
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 acceptable to you.
Submitted by lioness1970 on

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Structure and Style
Your essay effectively introduces the topic and concludes with practical advice, showcasing a clear understanding of the subject. To improve, consider integrating a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability and engagement of your text.
Content Depth
You've provided a comprehensive overview of the banking system and payment methods, which is commendable. For an even stronger essay, try to include more detailed examples or case studies to illustrate your points more vividly.
Cohesiveness
Your coherence and cohesion are generally strong, with a logical flow and clear paragraphing. To elevate your essay, aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs, which could involve using a wider range of transitional phrases that signal the relationship between ideas more explicitly.
Content Coverage
You've done well to cover the key aspects of banking and payment methods in today's society, showing a good range of knowledge.
Organisation
The essay is structured in a way that is easy to follow, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This structure helps in effectively conveying your message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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