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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Illiteracy continues to be a concern for many countries in the world today. What are the causes of illiteracy in the modern world and what effects does it have on the people concerned and society as a whole?

#illiteracy #concern #countries #world #effects #people #society
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Evidence suggests that today, not having any education
is
Verb problem
has
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 become a concern in plenty of nations all over the world.
This
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 phenomenon is attributed to a number of causative factors, but the resulting issues are evident as well. As regards the root causes, there are two which should be taken into consideration.
Firstly
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, poverty in
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 undeveloped countries is to account for
this
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 problem. Simply put, poor
people
Use synonyms
 can not afford education expenses.
For example
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, money in needed to provide students with books and covers schools' fee
as well as
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 commuting cost.
Secondly
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, the facilities and amenities are not accessible for a wide rang of the public.
That is
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, the fundamental needs
such
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 as schools or teachers to study are not provided by
this
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 regions' authorities to facilitate
people
Use synonyms
's access to them. Take
an
Change the article
a
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 remote village with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 small community as an example;
usually
Add a comma
usually,
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 there is no educational centre in
this
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areas
Fix the agreement mistake
area
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 and
people
Use synonyms
 have to sometimes go for miles and miles to get
the
Change preposition
to the
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 place
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the centre
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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.
On the other hand
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, society faces significant problems
due to
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 illiteracy. First and foremost, poverty continues growing in poor countries.
That is
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, economic growth decreases because of the lack of
literated
Correct your spelling
literate
literature
people
Use synonyms
 and
experties
Correct your spelling
experts
.
As a result
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,job
apportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
lost
Add a missing verb
are lost
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 and society
become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 poorer.
For instance
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, the most essential demand for administtrative jobs is to be able to read, write and work with computers which the illiterate can not do any of them.
Moreover
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, illiteracy
effects
Replace the word
affects
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 politics. The uneducateds are less likely to choose their politicians consciously,
therefore
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; democracy losts and inequality in society increases.
To conclude
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, The main contributing factor behind illiteracy is poor
people
Use synonyms
 who can not pay the cost and the biggest problem caused by
this
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 trend is the development of poverty in these nations.
Submitted by m.tavasoli18 on

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Grammar and Accuracy
Proofread your essay to correct minor spelling and grammatical errors, as they can slightly distract from an otherwise clear argument.
Lexical Resource
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to better express your ideas and add nuance to your points. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate transitional phrases more smoothly to enhance the flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Task Response
Your essay addresses both parts of the prompt (causes and effects) thoroughly, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You use relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments significantly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, effectively guides the reader through your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Literacy
  • Illiteracy
  • Poverty
  • Access
  • Educational resources
  • Social inequality
  • Discrimination
  • Gender disparity
  • Racial bias
  • Cultural norms
  • Technological advances
  • Political instability
  • Disruption
  • Education systems
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Job prospects
  • Health implications
  • Self-esteem
  • Empowerment
  • Economic growth
  • Social cohesion
  • Civic participation
  • Democratic processes
  • Exclusion
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