IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five cities in Australia

#coffee #tea #habits #five #cities #australia
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The bar graph illustrates the percentages of buying and drinking drinks abroad from five cities.
Overall
,the average shows the main characteristics of(Sydney,
Melbourne
,
Brisbane
,Adelaide,
Hobart
Correct word choice
and Hobart
show examples
)
also
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 are compared with percentages and with 4 weeks listed below. Looking at the stands below bought fresh
coffee
 in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks in
Brisbane
 and Adelaide partially identical,and
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
percentage
 amounts to 33-34
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. Compared with
Melbourne
 in
Brisbane
 instant
coffee
 increased dramatically. Turning to Hobart and
Melbourne
 their
percentage
 is more than three-fifths.Moving to Sydney it shows how going to
café
Correct article usage
a café
show examples
 for
coffee
 or tea roses judging by
Brisbane
.
Brisbane
's fresh
coffee
 is less popular than
Sydney
Change noun form
Sydney's
show examples
. Except for citizens of
Melbourne
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of going to the cafe is more
polular
Correct your spelling
popular
 than others.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 the most popular
percentage
 of city residents is in
Melbourne
,
therefore
 moving to
cafe
Add an article
the cafe
a cafe
show examples
 for drinks in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks is the most productive and most effective in comparison with others.
Submitted by elnur.adil on

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Structure
Consider using a more structured approach in your essay, such as starting with an introduction that clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss. This will make your essay more coherent.
Conclusion
Make sure your conclusion summarises the key points of your essay and provides a clear ending to your discussion. It helps tie all your ideas together and gives a final perspective on your topic.
Sentence Structure
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and transitions to link ideas more smoothly. This will make your writing more engaging and easier to follow.
Task Response
Ensure your essay addresses the task directly, with clear explanations and relevant examples. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that relates back to the overall topic.
Task Alignment
You provided a broad overview of the coffee and tea buying habits in five Australian cities, which aligns with the task's requirements.
Use of Data
You included specific percentages to support your points, which helps in providing detailed information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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