IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

#people #zoos #purpose #today’s #world #alternatives
Zoos
 used to be very popular, but now they are becoming faded. Because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artificial habitats are not suitable for many species and there are some accuses of exploiting entertainment, many
people
 believe that
zoos
 should be closed as soon as possible. Establishing more
wildlife
 sanctuaries and rehabilitation centres would be a good solution if
zoos
 are removed.
Zoos
 no longer bring benefits
such
 as education or conservation to
people
.
In contrast
, it causes a lot of
criticisms
Fix the agreement mistake
criticism
show examples
 about whether
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should close them. The artificial environments cause physical problems and psychological distress to
animals
. Lack of space will make some species become uncomfortable and affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health.
Furthermore
, some businesses make a profit from
animals
 and visitors.
That is
 why the educational value of
zoos
 is debated.
Wildlife
 sanctuaries and rehabilitation centres, where
animals
 are provided with more spacious and natural habitats. Advances in virtual and augmented reality technology offer immersive and impactful educational experiences, enabling
people
 to learn about
animals
 in their natural environments without causing harm. Conservation-focused ecotourism gives
people
 the opportunity to observe
wildlife
 in its natural habitat under controlled, ethical guidelines, supporting local communities and conservation efforts.
Lastly
, comprehensive and accessible
wildlife
 documentaries and educational platforms can significantly contribute to conservation education, fostering a deeper understanding and respect for
wildlife
 without the need for physical confinement.
To sum up
,
zoos
 should be closed because of the impacts on
animals
 and be altered by sanctuaries or rehabilitation centres.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Continue refining your understanding and use of connective words to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your examples by providing more specific instances or statistical evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and engage your reader more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your position on the issue.
coherence cohesion
You provided a well-structured argument, discussing both the problems with zoos and suggesting viable alternatives.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, with clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ethical and animal welfare
  • artificial habitats
  • psychological distress
  • abnormal behaviors
  • conservation
  • inbreading
  • wildlife sanctuaries
  • rehabilitation centers
  • naturalistic habitats
  • virtual and augmented reality
  • ecotourism
  • wildlife documentaries
  • educational platforms
  • genetic pool
  • immersive experiences
  • conservation education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: